A database is a store for global variables

The way I see it, databases are essential complexity, but global variables are accidental complexity.

It may be the case that "the systems I’ve worked on that haven’t involved a database [are] usually much cleaner and more elegant" - so why not propose that you remove the database from those other systems? You can't - the database, when you have one, is essential to the system's purpose.

What we often deride as "just crud" is indeed mediating between a client and a database. The app's job is making specific use cases effective and ergonomic.