Meet the Sad Wives of AI
wired.com
wired.com
I've realized over time that I don't live the most...focused, goal-oriented life; a lot of what I decide to do is constrained by what I can or cannot do. If I don't have the money, I don't do the thing. If I do and someone asks, or I'm feeling a little impulsive, I will.
In the digital world, there was a ton of stuff I was interested in doing but was unable to accomplish, either because I didn't have the technical knowledge or the time to do it.
AI makes you feel like anything is possible! A lot of people aren't used to the mental model of "having a team of people who can do stuff for you", and there's definitely a way we can get lost in that.
I'm thankful I have a wife that drags me out of my office enough that I think I've reasonably kept in touch with reality, ha.
The human experience. We all share it, many of us spend a lot of time ignoring it or pretending we can overcome it. There are many ways to describe it, and I'm happy for you that you can see it.
I can understand that some people feel this way, but it still shocks me how common this feeling is.
I feel the complete opposite. I used to spend hours reading and figuring things out on my computer, but since AI I can't wait to log off and get back to the real world.
I’m creating so much stuff. Music, games, candles, laser-cut jigsaw puzzles, and then a whole platform of test and CNC infra underneath it all.
If I had a thousand years I don’t think I’d finish everything I want to build.
But I kind of miss the gym, the outdoors, just… reading. It’s just so hard to disconnect when there is always some agent/project just waiting for the next bit of guidance.
I’m sorry to say, and I say this without any judgement and as someone who can relate, but you’re describing yourself as an addict. You don’t have to pursue all those projects. Most to all of them don’t matter for anything except getting you your temporary “fix”. I understand it feels hard to disconnect, but that’s a purely psychological barrier, the physical action (not doing something) is tremendously simple.
Try to tie everything back to the things you, at the root, enjoy, and to build in time for them, not just the things that enable them.
we have a bizarre emperors-new-clothes situation where one of the business managers keeps loudly telling everyone about the grocery list app hes "made" (vibe coded). other managers set him up as one of the presenters during a monthly dev show-and-tell we get to collaborate and discuss novel software dev stuff. the dev who runs this meeting capped the managers presentation by saying, "this reminds me of the first assignment i had in my coding bootcamp." woosh, went over the managers head
it seems like a chain where the loudest are getting rewarded for accelerating their ignorance. maybe things will swing back around but im hedging against that bet
Freeing as hell though, isn't it? I'm happy for you.
Doesn‘t seem to me that someone who feels freed by a lack of goals and focus would routinely engage in activities which shy away from interacting with reality. The opposite is true, that’s the definition of escapism.
I do apologise if my choice of words made you feel bad, as that was not my intention, but I stand by the sentiment. Tellingly, I’m not seeing you refute that your relationship with AI is harming your relationship with reality. I can only go from your words, and of course there’s always the possibility (which I have readily admitted) that I have misinterpreted them.
Your words have also suggested to me that you like your wife and that she cares about you, so I’ll say it again: If you’re in your office (presumably at home) and your wife is in the other room, get off your computer, be it HN or AI, and go hug her. You both deserve to be loved and there’s nothing on your screen more important than that.
Get the fuck off your computer and go do something with your wife. I promise you whatever you’re doing with AI is worthless in comparison. If you truly are grateful, prove it by dragging yourself out of the office unprompted and go do something with and for her. She’s your wife, not your caretaker, go be together.
something about how tarpit skeletons are mostly male :P
And anyone who feels the floor being taken out from under them will feel the pressure to join the gold rush, just like every other time.
And it's going to put unnatural pressures on relationships and families, and even destroy a lot of them, just like every other time.
And people will feel resentful and alone and confused, and say that things shouldn't be this way - it's not fair the way things are and where they're going. Just like every other time.
My sympathies go with those who are suffering under this, but when forces beyond your control are threatening your livelihood, you do what you must and hope for the best.
And when there is a gold rush going on, be the one selling the shovels.
Generally that works, but in this AI boom, everybody is trying to sell shovels, and there isn’t that much gold coming out.
A man has a bady, a wife, a job and a few hobbies.
A ideally a responsible guy (whey the baby is born) confirms with himself that he will sacrifice something for some time.
Him not being able to may be a problem, but this has nothing to do with AI. Could have been a bottle, an instrument or a "Halo night with friends"
That not "sad wives of AI". It's "say wives of dudes who can't really understand or accept their role yet". And the only (and best) thing a woman can do is to have a serious talk.
Coming from a father of a 4 y.o.
A few steps away from IT crowd (here I mean not only developers) there are quite a few "patterns" similar to this one, yes.
Always been. The only difference here is that AI touches all of us, while an instrument or some chimcals in the lab is more like a special case.
> this is their last chance. They’ve tried everything else, these men, from writing screenplays to investing in crypto. It’s AI or bust
Think of two diseases. One completely destroys your body and the other “just” cripples you. But the former spreads slowly and so far only affects one in a thousand people, while the latter is spreading like wild fire and is affecting one in three. You can see how the latter, even if less harmful on an individual level, is more harmful on a societal scale.
> Either way, the men go in and the women want out.
Why make this about gender?
Because that is the entire point of the article?
Because goal is to trigger emotional/tribal response from both sides and thus better "engagement" all while using proven and well established tropes like "he doesnt want to do what she wants", "toddler", "lazy bum vs overworked" etc
> There’s a strange and under-discussed side effect of the AI boom: what it’s doing to family dynamics. By which I mean: how it’s potentially destroying family dynamics. I’m sure this applies to all kinds of families, gay or straight, rich or poor, with any AI-pilled members. The technology is coming, has come, for us all. But for the purposes of this story, I mostly spoke to white-collar heteros in the Bay Area, because that’s where a certain psychological crisis seems most acute.
The work[aholic] alibi: When it’s harder to go home (1983) https://hbr.org/1983/03/the-work-alibi-when-its-harder-to-go...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging
The distinctive point of "Rubber Duck Debugging" is that a person explains everything to an inanimate object that will not, cannot, hear, perceive, talk back or react in any way. It is a monologue, not meant to be overheard or create action items by anyone but the speaker.
See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worry_doll
By contrast, spilling out one's problems in a conversation with a chatbot, such as ELIZA or an LLM, is a dialogue. So perhaps it is not necessarily a rigorous Socratic Method, but there are words and feedback going back-and-forth.
That's a pain point many will recognize, and it will probably never go away. Spousal neglect can become a problem. But at the same time wives don't have some innate ability to detect a bubble. They're also critical of their husbands for being driven enough to fight for a better life for the whole family.
It's very disappointing as HN doesn't feel organic anymore to me. In my naive worldview, I perceived it as a place where cool (& not so cool) projects where shared, and where somebody working in the industry could also get their tech news to stay up to date. But increasingly it seems to me that any content that is critical of SV venture capitalism and its fruits will be actively suppressed, and to me that's just not acceptable in a publication.
https://hn.algolia.com/?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wired.com%2Fstor...
I don’t know how Algolia handles flags, though, so it could be more (or not). But it’s definitely Of Interest to some of us!
> I should also say I didn’t bother speaking to any of the actual husbands for this story. I’m sick of hearing from the men of AI.
That's quite a line after half a page of inferring said men's inner workings and motivations from what their wives and their wives' therapists say about them (quite cynically i might add)
> A tiktok meme has been making the rounds recently: young women at their laptops or doing their makeup, captioned something like, “Working so hard so my man can work on his AI startup that loses $30K a month.” The comments section stands in solidarity: “I’m ded.” “Yas queen.” “Just so he can have ‘founder’ in his bio.” I tried to reach out to some of these women. None bit.
That might be because this person doesn't even exist, or at least it's not the people making these tiktok memes
Most if not all of this just reads like generic "SF tech worker riding the hype of current technology XYZ", slotted into the social media mainstream "AI ruins everything"-sentiment. Not sure what the point of this is.
> The responses are generally uninspiring.
How ironic. Writing this entire article and harping on about how the AI Boom is "doing to family dynamics" and how it's "potentially destroying families" via fathers, with barely one paragraph even remotely touching the subject of people getting emotional advice or attachment from chatbots (see r/myboyfriendisai) just comes off as misandrist to me.
Edit: I was curious who the author was, so i clicked around her socials a bit. among the publications she says she worked at, there is ~one piece of media she published in the last 8 years (this one), and the podcast/studio she cofounded/hosts averages ~30 youtube views per episode.
> And then, the men. Neither of my friends’ husbands actually makes money from AI. Not yet.
But yes. "The men".
Ironically it feels like an article that mentions AI to ride the AI-wave that it is the source of the bad things it talks about...
Special note to anyone thinking alterity is useless in the AI era.
Are these people for real, or is silicon valley in some double bubble of middle class techno elitist hell of their own making?
Nobody comes out well in that article, the husbands, the wives, the partners, the social circles.
I am British, I use AI, I love it, but I switch off and talk about tidying up the garden or doing stuff with my wife. Yes AI is flavour of the last few years but it hasn't chopped up my carrots for me, or sprayed weed killer on my monoblock driveway.
Going to just leave this whole story with a pinch of salt.