...except I get the sense that this creates a shelter such that the pair or members of the shelter never become independent enough to trust that what happens unseen/unwitnessed is trustworthy. certainly that depends upon the dynamics, but it seems that the sooner you begin developing independence and trust with that freedom of some personal secrecy the sooner a real adult relationship formation will abide.

I am not like you, from a long lost generation before the twisted pair gave way. summers from age 8 and beyond were days of unfettered freedom. I feel very fortunate

EDIT: Why is this thing not letting me post?

I feel like ideation around safety and its feeling depend on context, but there are some who never feel safe and some who (blissfully) can around walk freely without feeling endangered.

Even while they can point to no personal experience of violence or danger, some (men) insist they must be allowed concealed carry to assure safety.

This is not a gender issue. People have amygdala and it develops differently in each of us, shaped early and continuously by experience and by random chance