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Comment by safrolic | Hacker News Reader

Exactly my thoughts reading the post, reeks and relents of heteronormativity and heterosexism. Using facebook for a dating site is plain wrong (what happens the day facebook opens a dating service and shuts your website access to facebook down ?) but only using facebook is definitely a tell to go away.

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I think the thought process is that if you're going to be a wing person for your friend, you're going to know if they're interested in women or men. I the same idea of whether or not you would invite a friend that's in a relationships. I think the point is very valid though.

I mean the whole idea relying (solely?) on friends to find me dates thing already seems pretty bizarre, but even if you put that aside, the site has a browse functionality for a reason and presumably the intention of it existing is for people to be able to browse...

I mean I love my friends and when opportunities to set people up in good ways come along, I go ahead and make them happen... and I don't mind if a friend sets me up. But the whole feeling of a service where friends are setting up friends without having a dialogue about consent or you know, whether I'm even at all interested in them being involved in my dating life (god knows I have plenty of friends where I'm not interested in their suggestions) is just not really okay. And did I mention creepy? I did. But I should say it again for emphasis, because this doesn't feel like friends helping friends, it's just creepy.

I think adding a social aspect to dating is a great idea, but it's something that has to be done carefully and IMO this implementation seems radically bad.

It seems like a good possible solution for some people and it has a natural virility to it that shouldn't be underestimated. (Once your friends do it for you, they tell their other friends they did it for you and it should grow).

I get that you are not straight and feel like services should always consider you, but less than 20%, (and by most estimates 10%) of the population is not straight. Spending 90% of your time to go after that market seems like a waste when it will be difficult enough to get the straight market. I'm sure the OP will grow in to gay/lesbian market if they have success in the straight market, you can be patient and relax until then.

Just a few thoughts:

But the whole feeling of a service where friends are setting up friends without having a dialogue about consent or you know, whether I'm even at all interested in them being involved in my dating life (god knows I have plenty of friends where I'm not interested in their suggestions) is just not really okay.

The service doesn't put a gun to your head and make you go on the date.

And did I mention creepy? I did. But I should say it again for emphasis, because this doesn't feel like friends helping friends, it's just creepy.

I like when people use the word "creepy" because it doesn't actually mean anything. It is simply a description they use when they don't like something. "That girl/guy is creepy" means, they don't like them. "that social service is creepy", well you get it.

I think adding a social aspect to dating is a great idea, but it's something that has to be done carefully and IMO this implementation seems radically bad.

Why does it have to be done carefully? Taking a bold approach might work here, and I applaud the OP for taking it. If it is over the top, it won't work.

I'm pretty sure if you don't think the word creepy has meaning attached to it and don't understand how it's applied, you're very unlikely to be able to build or design a dating site that people (particularly women) are going to find comfortable and will want to use, straight or otherwise.

"Creepy: Causing fear or unease"

Now, I understand it causes you fear or unease, probably more unease than fear, but just because it causes you those feelings does not mean it causes others to have those feelings.

If this guy has success getting 7,000 people using the site, and only 1,000 of them are actually using it, he is doing a lot right.

If the site had a stellar brand and it was really clear what it was doing, your creep factor would probably lower significantly.

IMO, he should ignore your opinion and keep building. It looks like he is on to something to me.

You've written a lot of comments on this, but I'm reminded of a quote from Steve Jobs: "Do you create anything, or just criticize others work and belittle their motivations?"

philwelch, you hit the nail on the head, I couldn't figure out why I was so agitated by her comments, but I'm pretty sure this is it.

Her ratio of value to criticism is too low for me I think. Further agitating me is that she has the top comment. I just can't imagine why someone would upvote it.

It's one thing to offer a perspective and perhaps some constructive criticism, but at some point you have to realize you've stated your point and just step back a little. It's the repeated comments for me. Jobs said that in exchange to a long and tiresome email thread--he actually took the guy seriously at first and responded straightforwardly to his points.

I'd like to point out that facebook friends are not the same as friends. And friends do not necessarily know the sexual preferences of each other, it's not only about straight or gay, there's a whole range of sexual preferences out there and you don't always tell your friends about yours if they tends to deviate from the traditional cultural norm.

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