The rise of Silicon Dad | Hacker News Reader

The rise of Silicon Dad

ft.com

49 pointssethbannon26 comments

Nugget of truth buried in the [fun but not-too-novel] article:

"real progress in the workplace, for women and men, will come when more men forge flexible work schedules and wash dishes in front of their children, then turn those experiences into corporate policies."

Sure, in many industries and many parts of country/world, there are still lots of battles to fight to eliminate discrimination and bias against women in the workplace. But here in the SF startup circuit, I find this to be the most relevant issue facing working parents. Because I'm a mom (and a valuable, contributing member of my company), people don't hold it against me if I need to take an afternoon off, pick up my sick kid from daycare, and then get back online at 10pm. Pattern matching tells them that it's necessary "for a mom." But if a male co-worker does the same, I don't think there's as much leniency. Pattern matching kicks in yet again, and instead of being compared to me, he's compared to other dads (many of whom might have a stay-at-home wife, allowing them to put work first).

Still, we are lucky to be here on the bleeding edge of this issue. I almost feel like this complaint is the femninist equivalent to a #firstworldproblem, while women elsewhere being denied real opportunities.

Are you kidding me? This is not a first world problem. I'm a female entrepreneur in India. I've lived long enough in Silicon Valley for my husband (and co-founder) and me to be acutely aware of how we handle gender issues at home and work. But I face sexism on an everyday basis in society and in the tech circles here. That in itself, is the reason the "real opportunities" are denied for so many women in tech.

I totally agree - my point was that in many places outside of SV/tech, there are much bigger discrimination issues than the "men's work policies" issue. Sadly, it sounds like you've found the same to be true.

> I almost feel like this complaint is the femninist equivalent to a #firstworldproblem, while women elsewhere being denied real opportunities.

It depends on the setting/environment, but most important of all is that no matter how bad things may look at the moment they can change for the better.

Anyway, the comments in here reminded me of my childhood: both my parents worked full-time jobs, with my dad usually taking two-hour breaks from work to come home and feed me lunch. He then was going back to the construction site he was working on (he is a civil engineer) and would come back home much later in the evening because of that. If this could happen in a very male-dominated area such as a construction site from a former Communist East-European country, I hope it can happen in and around Silicon Valley as well.

I started working primarily at home a few years ago and now work exclusively from home. I can't express how much it means to me to be able to hear the "post-school" info dump that my kids bring home, especially as my wife has started to pursue her nursing career.

I screwed up and put too much time in the office and traveling when my kids were younger. Sure, I got to see the world, but I think it came at too great of a cost. If I could do it again, I'd do it very differently.

And now, as my kids are starting to leave the home, I'm beginning to find time and attention to work on my own things in those extra hours instead of building someone else's coffers. But I will still trade an evening at a MLS game with my son over finishing another user story any day (such as tonight :)!

I started working from home during the summer of 2012. I have a child, and the benefits of picking her up from school and listening in to her daily shenanigans is just priceless. I don't know if I will manage to work remotely forever, but I will enjoy it for as long as it lasts. By the way, last night we beat Super Mario on the Wii. You can't put a price on that. (:

I've spent the last ~6 years of my professional life as a single, jet-setting, 20-something year old for exactly the reasons you've described.

I was raised in a family where having a mother at home, who was active in my community, volunteered in activities I participated in, and generally always there when she was needed. I absolutely adore stay at home parents (but wouldn't pressure anyone to do so) and am looking forward to being a dad, or having a wife, who has the means to do so. This is a large reason I love working in the internet industry.

One of life's greatest lessons for me has been - the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. When I have kids I want to shower them with gifts.

Good for you, you got out in time.

You managed to echo my sentiment quite precisely. It's like, while you are young, you had better figure out a hit startup that lets you exit with a large pile of cash. Only then can you have the buffer to take it easy and enjoy your time with family. If you fail to make said exit, then you end up tied to your job, and will have to watch the world and your life go past you.

This thinking has filled me with an urgency and i really feel the need to get the hell out of academia, and go on a "hunting spree" to make money...

My experience is quite contrary. I've worked from home the entire time I've had kids (10 years now). Wouldn't have it any other way. No, I didn't have a big exit, just made a commitment to a daily life optimized for happiness.

I have found that it's somewhat easier as a man to take on domestic duties without people at work worrying about your commitment. I took paternity leave a month after I started working, in the middle of a very busy case. Nobody blinked, and the only response I got was: "why didn't you take the full four weeks?" This is a decision women agonize about--when and how to take parental leave, committing to be available during the time, etc. Me, I just peaced out--I think I checked my Blackberry twice in as many weeks (this is at a place where people check their Blackberry last thing before bed).

As a man, I had nothing to prove. I had no inferences or presumptions to head off at the pass. "Of course my having a kid doesn't mean I'm not going to be available to work late nights from here on out, or that I'm going to leave in a couple of years just after you're done training me. What a ridiculous thought--I'm a man after all!"

I quit my full-time and started consulting literally the day my first was born. My wife went back to part time as well. It did require a bit of downsizing. Worth it.

Living a good life is better than "having the good life".

The real WTF is that we "require" parents to be with their children for 12 hours per day. Why is that? Children should play with themselves and use gadgets and play games and learn. They don't need to be watched by an adult for 4/5 of their waking day. And parents should have time for their grownup business. Four hours, in my opinion, should be more than enough. We should structure our society around that assumption.

The time that children need adults does not come in a convenient block. A few minutes here, 20 minutes there. It likely adds up to less than 4 hours in total (once they're old enough to tie their own shoes or so) but it will be spread out and unpredictable.

This is true. We should be working on children being able to be autonomous in longer streaks; on children being able to resolve part of their needs via telecommunications (cellphone is already a huge saver); on children being able to use help of "an adult" (as opposed to "the adult", that is parent) - like a slightly supervised playground.

You forgot the </ sarcasm> tag.

No I'm serious. I remember my childhood, I had many problem, but the last thing I'll need is to be accompanied by an adult everywhere.

I could, for example, write QBASIC programs for hours, and how would my mother or father help me if they floated by my shoulder? They won't. They'll get bored, ask stupid questions, tell me to do something more understandable for them. Like, play outdoors. I hated outdoors.

Maybe I would benefit from meeting other people interested in what I was interested in (that is, computers, science, SF) - but that's what we should work towards.

I would love to see the QBASIC program you wrote when you were 4 years old.

Who said 4 years old? I was ten.

Concerning actual four years old, I don't actually know what should be done to them. I was off-loaded to day care, it was neither fun nor productive, but what's the solution?

This makes more sense every year:

It gets easier to run a business from home. Your website is your front door for customers, so you need not have a real receptionist & office, and cloud services just keep improving.

And, when you work at home, at something you love (your own business), you have no problem motivating yourself to work nights, after the kids are tucked in. And, mixing work time with kid time gives you good, rewarding breaks.

And, explaining my business issues to my kids gives me great practice in better communication, & better clarity on my own goals, and smarter, more aware kids.

That said, this works much easier with school-age kids. When they are under 4, it's much much harder to work while taking care, as they need so much more care.

Wow, that's really sad lead-in: A mom who is "famous", so her daughter introduces her to her friends via Google Search, instead of meeting them.

Hooray for egalitarianism, but it's still sad that any parent leaves their child's life behind.

If it was the dad who was "famous", would you have made the same comment? Many families are like that, for decades (centuries?) the fathers would be bringing home the bread, the mothers staying at home, and nobody ever really called those fathers out, as bad role-models or even just bad fathers. Sure there are some that truly detach themselves from the family, but they are a small minority.

In this case the mum's a rather busy person, as she's never seen around school. But to say she's leaving her child's life behind? That's a bit harsh IMO.

This is a dupe; I posted the same story 18 hours ago: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5588737

This isn't Digg.

Perhaps you should try using that line on someone who hasn't been on HN since Week One, and doesn't have over 237 times your karma.

I don't see the relation between my criticism and your being on HN for ages, but you make a fair point. Sorry about that.

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