But as a child that wants to explore and innovate (or for that matter just understand the rules I'm following), it often feels impossible to live in a society that has a rigid set of expectations.
One common refrain from childhood: "If only he would apply himself..." well, of course, I actually applied myself with a focus that would blister the brains of the people who said this sort of thing. But I didn't apply myself to what they wanted.
And that was from the people who even recognized that I had intelligence worthy of any respect. Many had no idea that I was more than troublemaker (a ditch-digger some would say). I suppose it is of relevance that I grew up in a very blue collar environment, and in those environments the expected measure of success is a stable job with routine and predictable pay increases; questioning and understanding is not the path to that, acceptance of the "that's the way it's done" is.
These issues led to a malaise and kind of depression that resulted in me dropping out of school and joining the Marine Corps (yeah, great idea for an "anti-authoritarian", but part of me still believed i was the one with the problem and needed fixing).
The path "back to the world" was a difficult one, and who's to say if that path is even done -- where could I have been. My decisions were poor back then, but hell, I was a teenager and living in a world that didn't support me. Ironically, as I've gained positions of authority over people who themselves are submissive to authority, I think they have a greater respect for me, than they do people who are not innovators or independent thinkers.
I still fight the battle constantly, the white collar corporate world is nearly as unimaginative as the blue collar world -- it's not even about resisting authority, in fact, a good 'authority' is as good as delegating -- someone trusted to do stuff.