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Comment by anaon12 | Hacker News Reader

I'm probably entering the most lonely stage of my life at the moment, having my 3rd alcohol related arrest has really pushed me further down the hole.

Despite all of my legal problems, I'm still holding down the same job, but I feel at my age I've really done myself in. Obviously booze is a problem of which I've completely eradicated from my life over the past 2 months. The really sad part is I'm well adjusted otherwise and I graduated from a top CS program. I've wanted to work abroad but I feel I'm trapped now by my past and I'm really out of options to socialize on any meaningful level. I don't really know what to do at this point. This article spelled out a life of doom for me.

For what its worth I'm 28 and have 2 duis and a public intox charge.

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1. Your subjective view of your own situation is very negative - "done myself in", "a life of doom" etc.

2. At the same time your situation is objectively good - you have a good profession and a good job, you're not complaining about health problems other than alcohol dependency, and you kicked the alcohol for two months now. Even if you went to jail you're out free now. The whole life is in front of you.

Given the obvious contradiction here, I suggest that you should not trust your own judgement, and instead defer to someone else until your judgement is repaired. This sort of discrepancy is indicative of anxiety-type disorder, the kind that impairs your ability to evaluate your situation and makes everything looks worse than it is. The best you can do is seek help from a professional psychotherapist, and do exactly as they instruct you. Do not deviate, do not "optimize", do not skip steps. Suspend all judgement and do exactly as you're told. Use your logical side to overrule your emotional side and just follow the program, because it's the right thing to do.

Thanks for the reply. The PI charge can be expunged next year so really I'll only have the 2 duis (one of which is ongoing but the nature of DUI laws its pretty much going to end up a conviction). Even before the first sight of legal trouble I was considering therapy but ive been afraid of being subscribed medication that may disconnect me even further or the social stigmatism of needing mental health help. Having your reply though has offered a much needed outside opinion.

Discuss it with therapist if you would prefer to reserve drugs as a last resort, and try all the other, non-chemical things first, such as CBT. You might even start by looking for a CBT-specializing therapist, as you are more likely to find understanding from them.

"I've wanted to work abroad but I feel I'm trapped now by my past"

Well, perhaps by international law (probably depends on the area) but make sure you're not looking for a geographic escape whenever you find yourself ready, your problems don't end in the US, obviously.

Still, 28 is fairly young to consider yourself "doomed".

> I feel I'm trapped now by my past and I'm really out of options to socialize on any meaningful level.

What's stopping you from socializing?

I just feel as part of being close with someone they should know I've had some problems, and in my experience most people would write me off at that point as there are plenty of others out there who are free and clear.

I think you should reconsider that position. I don't know anyone who lacks baggage. It mostly varies by type and color. That doesn't mean you shouldn't work on your issues. But, really, everyone has crap in their life of some sort, and they still need people. Of course, alone time can have its benefits, if you prefer that.

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