Edit 2: Honest question, how can I delete my account on HN? I've come to realize (sadly) how many hours I've wasted on this bullshit. PG, please ban this account.
Now, pipe down and let the adults speak.
In your profile settings, you will find two boxes marked "maxvisit" and "minaway". If you set those to a small value (like 1) and a large value (like say 602430), and then ALSO set "noprocrast" to "yes", you'll basically be unable to use your account.
Seeing you dying to leave HN proves to me in a very pleasing way that HN often just plain works.
You can't. You'll probably get hellbanned though. Personally, I don't think two wrongs make a right, and you should be able to delete your account if you want. Maybe just close the tab and never come back. That always works.