Would you use a one-click sitemap-to-flat site service?

Hey folks, some context here. I needed a cache that will:

- Keep the site up when the web server is down

- Allow for logged-out users to see "login" and logged-in users to see session info (for example), while still caching most of the page, without using the outdated ESI standard

- Be delivered over a CDN

- Allow for hotfixes

- Cache must be spun up, not passively created by GETs, to avoid the issue of high average load times if you have a fairly even distribution of visitors

There isn't a solution on the market (that I have found) that accomplishes all of these things. I would really appreciate thoughts on how you're currently doing caching and whether this service would be useful.