Hacker News Reader

Comment by codezero | Hacker News Reader

That he couldn't say "Well, this isn't working out, let's meet in 2 hours at X." before she was escorted out seems very implausible to me.

I've spoken at plenty of conferences, and brought my wife along, and have had my share of complications, and my wife has been able to "wing it," as I expect any adult should be able to do.

I'm not saying it's completely absurd that she should have to wing it, but I just don't feel like this is the substance of the issue being presented. His wife is not a helpless child with no money, information or ability to move freely, so I am just not willing to accept that being escorted out (which was stupid in the first place) is tantamount to being abandoned.

View on HN

> That he couldn't say "Well, this isn't working out, let's meet in 2 hours at X." before she was escorted out seems very implausible to me.

The article clearly explains this:

> Thinking its a small misunderstanding (security is almost always contracted through the venue not the conference) I went to room 238 to try to figure things out. After explaining the situation going on to three staff members I was given the “opportunity” to buy a ticket (full conference on the last day) for her. They then handed me a shirt and said “you need to head over to your talk”

Basically, the author believed that he could just work something out, so at the time that his wife left, he did not make plans to meet up anywhere, and she did not know what was happening. Furthermore, the conference organizers then said that he needed to go speak immediately, which would have prevented him from letting her know what was going on.

I'm presenting at two conferences in the next week, and my fiancee is luckily able to attend one of them. Not having a seat for her is one thing, but having security bring her out of the building and giving me the "opportunity" to buy a full-price ticket is absurd.

I'm a male adult and regard myself as being quite independent, if I want to. If my significant other just after arriving in a foreign country where I planned to follow her would leave me alone in such an unexpected way without a clear plan how to meet and a clear message of what is going on, I wouldn't like that very much. Not at all. Even though I'd not be helpless in such a situation, it is just absolutely disrespectful.

And, which is a severe thing, it would also show that me that the other person allows others to treat him that way, something I'd also think I'd not accept at all for myself.

Then surely the guy insists on being able to speak with his wife to arrange a time/meeting place?

He did the more self-respecting thing: leave these bureaucratic idiots to their stupid conference to be with his partner.

Disrespected conference attendees, right?

If I have to choose between disrespecting my wife and conference attendees, I'm sorry about the attendees.

Do they pay their speakers?

What does payment have to do with it? A little common sense & a little respect for people is not nullified just because money has paid hands.

This wasn't a choice between keeping his wife alive and speaking at a conference, or annulling a marriage! His wife knew he'd be speaking at a conference. She's an adult and is surely able to read a newspaper at a coffee shop, find an art gallery or whatever else for a couple of hours.

Non-speaker could've insisted on speaking to his wife to arrange a time to meet afterwards, fulfilled his presentation/speech, then written a complaint about lack of flexibility later.

The conference owes the conference attendees an apology for putting their speaker in the position of having to choose his wife or the attendees.

For that matter, they also owe the speaker and his wife an apology. Of course, as you could only expect from Microsoft, this has not happened.

If I am invited to a conference and even if I tweak the flight arrangement so they pay for my wife's ticket to suit my person plans, I don't expect that my wife will be allowed inside for free.

Sounded like a pretty awkward situation as it was handled (shouldn't have been led on, and should've been encouraged to speak with his wife to arrange a meeting time later), but the non-speaker seemed a little precious to me.

Many things could go wrong, I am not saying it did, or would, but could. Perhaps it was too crowded, perhaps she was really tired, perhaps she is not confident with her english, perhaps she was not feeling well otherwise. Also, US cities are quite strange compared to european cities, they are not exactly pedestrian friendly. Check out the front of the venue: https://maps.google.com/maps?q=morial+convention+center+new+...

All in all, cut him some slack, he as a very valid point. They could have solved this easily, yet they chose to treat him like he doesn't matter.

I agree, all the points are valid, I'm just pointing out that the comments here which are making an emphatic point about his wife being thrown to the curb are not compelling unless his wife is disabled or unable to communicate. Everything about the situation is all kinds of wrong, and singling out this one detail is a huge distraction to the real issue -- that Microsoft dropped the ball and treated a valued contributor like shit.

singling out this one detail is a huge distraction to the real issue

That's because some guy is kind of egging on Internet commenters, saying, "oh, she should just be an adult."

It felt like it was the other way around when this started.

It "started" in the text of the post itself, since the author, the person actually affected here, didn't much like his wife being kicked out. So it was straight-up threadshitting to call it no-big-deal.

There's nowhere in this thread where I said it ("it" being that his wife was escorted out) was no big deal. What I've said is that focusing on this particular detail and equating it to abandoning his wife in a dangerous, threatening place, which is what's been done here (note the repeated citing of crime statistics), distracts from the real issue, Microsoft mishandling their guests.

I agree that it's not exactly abandonment to all, but from the OPs perspective, who knows his wife best, it may have been as such. Not everyone takes to new and foreign places as well. I sincerely salute your ability to, but I get the impression that OP knew that if he'd left his wife to just take care of herself, he'd be in the doghouse later.

I'd know. I'm an expat, and while both my wife and I were eager to come to this assignment, we're not the same when it comes to unfamiliar surroundings. If it'd been me? Sure, I'll be at the nearest espresso bar I can find. Her? I would have done the same thing as OP.

This is all anecdotal, I know. But my point being, its wrong to assume that everyone is capable of just seamlessly taking care of things when you're newly arrived in a foreign country. I'd agree that its frustrating when someone can't, or just feels too nervous or intimidated, but that's something we accept and work around when we select the partners we do. OP was right in choosing his partner first. I'd have done the same.

If this is your day job, yes, you should expect and anticipate these things. When you're presenting at a conference in a foreign country, all bets are off. I think how he reacted was reasonable given the evidence presented.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com