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I've found the best way to go about this is to ask the hard questions.

How to Win Friends and Influence people has a great chapter on how to give constructive critical feedback. You can't just outright say what you are thinking because you need them to believe it as well. By asking leading questions and explaining your thought process, you can make them see the critical feedback you are trying to give.

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Ah, socratic method. I do sometimes try that, although sometimes there are people who don't even respond.. which means perhaps I'm expecting too much change too quickly with their character :) it may also be that I need more confidence. Or that sometimes I need to drill down to what they really don't know. I have other friends who ask me questions I'm well aware of, so I discount their questioning. But soetimes if I listen they have a new perspective. So the ability of your friend to be open matters 8)

I'll have a dig around for my copy of Carnegie's classic. this sounds like a good tip!

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