Poll: Do you feel lonely?

Stating the obvious but it will never happen if you don't do anything about it.. As a developer meetups and hackerspaces could be a great way to start. It worked for me. Turning up the first time is the hardest. It's still difficult after that but it's a little easier each time until finally it's a pleasure most of the time.

> You say no a few times, they stop asking, and time and distance just drift relationships apart.

I've been on both sides of this, and I've found that when I get a few "no"s from someone I'm fairly close to, I can't help but think they don't like me - even though from experience their "no"s might just come from their anxiety. There's simply no way to tell - and it stinks for both parties.

I spent a long time working on a business that completely consumed me. It was remote IT support so i spent 90% of my time indoors behind my computer desk. It was 24/7 support so most of the time, i just couldn't go out.

After a few years I didn't even notice that I hadn't been out in so long and the social anxiety creeped in very slowly. Just as bad was the fact that getting up and dresses early in the morning - say into a suit - and then commuting for even just say 30mins seems like a mammoth task. I realise it's all psychological but it's been there for a long time.

I kmow exactly how you feel; same with the envy of the friendship of tight knit groups.

For the benefit of my social life, my work now isn't much better either. I'm in a rather specific niche and operate as a lone ranger. I love what I do as a vocation but it i'm sure it hurts my social life one way or another.

Nonetheless, I've had to force myself to move to a major city. I make sure I work outside of home at least 3x a week. I try to make sure at least 30% of my clients are those I meet in person and not just remote clients (though i love my remote clients. theyre so much fun) - and i'm forcing myself to meet new people every week.

I literally just got back from a conference and met a few people and tomorrow i'm meeting someone new too.

I really regret not working this into my life sooner. I feel as if i haven't lived. True story.

I realise that atheism is probably the fastest growing belief system around the world now and that any mention of God often gets a double-take but having to apologise for it just strikes me as odd.

I really resonated with what you said.

Not me. The few times I've felt lonely, it was never when I was alone.

"loneliness is not a function of solitude" — David Foster Wallace

Is loneliness the immediate problem? Or is it a failure of an anticipated solution to a different problem?

Mine too, until I decided to do something about it 2 weeks ago. Really happy now.