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it's actually sitting right here beside my desk. completely functional. ;)

Wow, it definitely looked like the person holding it would have been maimed.

Yeah... it'd be slightly less than ideal.

Have you considered fashioning some stylish yet concealed body-armour under your outer clothing, possibly using bits of left-over belt and magazines?

Not quite Ned Kelly, but might help a little.

Strap magazines on your body and fasten with belts, like in The Wire when Omar when to jail or did you have something fancier in mind?

So I was wondering, did you ever watch the two Russian "Brat" movies?

I want to watch both of these, but my Russian language (and more importantly, slang) is so poor that I'm afraid I'd miss a lot of it :/

I didn't, but I'll definitely add them to the queue.