M-x package-refresh-contents

M-x package-install

<package name>

That's with a blank .emacs file on Emacs 24 on a brand new user account I created just to test that for you.

EDIT: (ofc the auto-installing my favourite packages stuff is elisp I wrote)

(package-initialize)

Wow, now you have access to the package manager.

Emacs is meant to be customized heavily by its users and the language to do so is Elisp. If you are afraid of that then I don't know what to tell you.

You are quick to condemn all Lisps with an assertion that doesn't make sense to me.

I don't understand, what's wrong with package-list-packages? It has concise descriptions, MELPA is kept very well updated, and and installing plugins is a breeze, no elisp configuration is necessary for like 90% of the packages you install.