After my frustration subsided I spent a little time researching [1], made use of my Amazon Prime subscription and had a brand new, well reviewed, compatible modem [2] at my house Saturday morning.
The modem Comcast gave me retailed for $28. I paid $7/mo for over 4 years. That's well over $300 for a $28 piece of garbage, just because I didn't know I had the option to use my own hardware. I canceled my monthly rental, had a tech come out to pick the broken modem up at no charge, and have been happy since.
Invest in a modem like you do your other hardware. It will be better for your wallet and have the added benefit of _not_ lining the pockets of a company many people despise.
[1] http://mydeviceinfo.comcast.net/ [2] http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007IMPMW4