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Should write another post - How not to setup a blog!

That's mean, but I laughed. Sorry op.

That would be one sentence - never use openshift.

Quick fix: render locally, copy out the page content to a static file, and upload that at the correct URL?

Why not? It worked well for me when I got HN'd and I hadn't even setup caching (though I did have Cloudflare). And that was on the free tier.