Invent a body swapping machine. I know plenty dieing to get out.

If you must, stake out a table at Starbucks for a month, and read every post on elitetrader.com, nuclearphynance.com, and seekingalpha.com. That'll at least teach you enough to know what the steps you should take are. I just don't recommend many of them, except, for the right individual, breast implants. In some cases, they can be a great investment.

I left a startup for a regular hedgefund first; I think having a lot of outside interest in finance helped. Then the HFT firm hired me because now I had some finance experience, and I knew C++. Another approach would be to look at the career pages of getco, citadel,etc, and diff your resume against what they want.

Edit: but really, why are you dying to get in? I would guess startups are a better bet for most readers of HN, anyway.