I think you touched on one of the biggest issues: the stereotype that people with mental health problems appear different and have a lower social status. As your story illustrates, the conditions affect all sorts of people, including those who are smart, successful and career-oriented.
Many people fail to recognize the severity of psychological problems because they're too busy looking at superficial measures of well being: a person's career, his or her physical appearance, etc. But depression has made some of us feel as if we're in a deep fog or a war zone, even if, on the surface, we live in nice neighborhoods and succeed in the workplace.
The key is to be more vocal about this struggle beneath the surface — and to speak up very soon. In my observation, the earlier in life a person can overcome depression, the greater his or her chances of becoming happy and stable.
Kudos on taking the initiative to speak up about this important issue and responding constructively to such as a great loss.