> transfer ownership
Then transfer ownership. The object that owns them encapsulates a container. When it is destroyed, it iterates the container and destroys the objects that it owns. So to transfer, take it out of that container and pass it to the new owner. It isn't rocket science.
>unknown lifetimes
Then you have a lazy, poor design. And that's the point really, managing your memory properly is an intellectual rigour - it forces you to improve your design, to be acutely aware of these issues. Not just spawn shared_ptrs and hope for the best. We have nice forgiving languages where you can be lazy. Coding in C# is like taking a holiday. C++ is meant to be hard.
I thought C++ was meant to be a lot of things but I don't think it being "hard" was one of the key points of its inception.
Just because you're using a "hard" language, it doesn't make you a better programmer. If the language can be made easier, more productive to write, with less problems and bugs due to memory leaks and inaccuracies, while not impacting performance, why wouldn't you want to do that?
I use many languages. I use C# to knock out a GUI. VBA for a bit of spreadsheet work. Q/KDB+ for database/functional work. R for stats. All of these are far more productive than C++. If you want fancy abstractions, other languages have them by the bucketload.
I don't use C++ to be productive, and I don't expect to be. I use it to get close to the metal and have full control. Everything you code will take 4-5 times longer to write. And longer to compile. You will be careful because you have to be careful, and that's a good thing because with that care comes quality.
Most C++ coders I've talked to (including all of the ones who get paid for doing it) are using C++ to get useful stuff built, not for the sake of 1337ness.
If you are making your programming harder to zero run-time benefit, you are a poor coder whatever skills you may have.
A programming language is supposed to be small so that programmers can share code. The rest can be handled with libraries. That's why C is better for huge projects. Linus agrees with me :)
In addition, why encourage reference counting pointers? If you really want to manage objects on the heap, have a garbage collected reference counted pointer.