Intro Etiquette
startupped.me
startupped.me
This is missing a HUGE aspect of intro etiquette - DOUBLE OPT-IN, almost all the time (and if you aren't sure, then it's ALL the time). If you want your contacts to be worth something, be respectful of them.
Here's my "workflow"
1. Intro request comes from Bob who wants to meet Jim
2. I review Bob's email, make sure it's short and to the point, and includes WHY it's a request. If I don't think it hits the money, send feedback and recommend edits to Bob. Wait for acceptable email - which must be its own, NEW & clean email. [edited for clarity: i inform Bob that I will send him whatever he writes to Jim, thus allowing him to position himself/his need/the opportunity in his own words]
3. I forward Bob's entire good email to Jim, which includes MY take on the matter (I think Bob's a great guy, or I am not familiar with Bob's company, but we've worked together before and he's worth meeting, or whatever).
4. If, AND ONLY IF, I get a reply from Jim agreeing to the intro, do I continue forward. But if Jim says he doesn't want the intro, I politely decline back to Bob.
Personally, I hate it when someone dumps an intro in my lap - it just isn't courteous or respectful in my opinion.
curious - how many different people have sent you favor requests?
I'm not saying you're wrong or that one is better than the other (presumably it depends on context). I'm just exploring the different styles to understand them better.
Edit: I do disagree with your framing of respectful vs. disrespectful in the general case. With engineers specifically, it is probably true, though, and a good rule of thumb to apply.
I'm not saying your technique is definitely WRONG, but I am saying you shouldn't assume it's superior.
and no, unwanted email coming from someone i value the relationship with carries negativity and tarnishes my relationship.
To each his own, it doesn't get me personally exercised, but I don't think you've got much leg to stand on judging others.
Of course you're entitled to your opinion, where did I say otherwise?
again, i care most about the double opt-in part - the rest is just my method. there are many ways to do it right. :)
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Sure. If you honestly respect them, then your words will portray that respect. If you don't respect them, then you maybe oughtnt to be making the intro in the first place.
I find these intros both easier to write (since it's not an expenditure of social capital on my part) and, generally, way more appreciated by both parties.
Intros aren't always welcome - the target could be busy, traveling or have a conflict of interest. They may not be in a position to give that person time, however helpful they would like to be. When the supplier assumes the introduction is okay, they can put both sides of the intro in a tough spot.
The 1/10 case would be intros to people who are either in a position where they likely receive dozens of emails from folks they don't know every day (e.g., VCs) or folks with enough name recognition to be in that same spot (e.g., famous people you might know).
You might jeopardize your relationship with the person in that case, but for most of your friends and pretty much anyone reading this comment, you're better off being open instead of self-important.
To then place the additional burden on me of checking in with you first is, in my mind, just cocky. Not my job to know your schedule, and how about respecting the fact that I'm trying to help?
People who insist on pre-introductions are vastly overestimating how much others should be thinking about them or "respecting their time," which is actually no one else's business. Responsible adults can handle the additional burden of someone trying to help.
I frequently get emails from people introducing me to "Bob" who is starting a hardware startup and really wants to learn how to bring a gadget to market. For me, this is fun - I love to talk about this stuff. I've mentored/nurtured/consulted for dozens of these startups, and continue to do so to this day.
BUT - I'm also running a startup and have a family at home. Which means I have much, much less time available than I used to. So every "Fun" activity I choose to take takes away from either my work time or my personal time. This is fine - as long as I can manage it. Which I do. Until requests show up uninvited. Which now puts, as I've said, a burden in my lap.
I can choose to either (A) reply and take on the intro, (B) reply and decline (as politely as I possibly can), or (C) ignore it. So I never do (C), as I feel it's rude, but I can guarantee you that every time I do (B) I create a negative perception about myself.
I don't like being put in a position where I have to tell other people - who genuinely could use my help - that I am too busy for them. But what else am I supposed to do?
Whereas when my colleague asks if I'm up for an intro, and I can say no to someone who I already have a relationship with, and will understand me, is fine to me.
Maybe you think the above is wrong, but I don't...
Looking forward to your reply.
I'm not busy, I just don't want to. I don't want to hear about your startup. I don't want to hear about how great of an opportunity working for it is. I want to read a book, go running, or hang out with my friends.
I try to balance it by including everyone on the first note if I can satisfy one of the criterias: - It would be plausible for them to know each other, and they are of similar status. - One of them is in the job of taking these intros. (Recruiters, etc) - I'm 95% sure that they'll hit it off immediately.
Whenever an intro comes in, I divide it into one of a few buckets and immediately send a mostly rote email back quickly:
* Highly interested - schedule a F2F or phone meeting within in the next week, suggest two dates to discuss more ("Wow, that sounds cool, would love to catch up in person to discuss more, are you available X or Y? I'm based in A but willing to travel anywhere around B")
* Kinda interested, being polite - suggest a phone meeting and strongly time box it ("This sounds potentially interesting. I can do a 15 minute call at X before my next appointment)
* Non-commital - Ask for more info, put the onus on the other party. ("Hey, would love to hear more about this, can you forward me X & Y so I can get a better understanding of how I can be helpful?")
* Useless - Polite brushoff ("Hey, I took a look and I don't think I'm the right person to help you with this for X & Y reason. Maybe you could try A & B? Thanks")
I think the key was to not put so much onus on the next step. By the end of the intro, I barely have any info, my main goal is to gather more to make a decision.
2 - "but if someone I intro doesn’t reply before the intro-ee does, they’re going to have a hard time getting another one from me. Ever." I've never heard this before, and am not even sure it's remotely reasonable.
On the flip side, when I'm the intro-ee, I don't really care. I'm almost never the one to reply first, but if someone takes a week to respond, whatever.
This is, far and away, the cleanest and most useful summary of what I believe to be perfect intro etiquette I've ever seen. If everyone did this, the startup world (at least) would be a much better place.
[EDIT] I do, however, agree with this: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7380538
So true. Don't half ass it. If you are being introduced to someone then most likely their time is valuable. Why would they bother with you if you don't show them you value them?
"Overall, just be timely, use proper grammar, and don’t abuse the intro supplier’s generosity and you’ll be head and shoulders above the majority."
What I find most interesting is that this reached the frontpage. I've never actually had people (a) not respond to intros quickly, or (b) not been appreciative.
Have you guys had issues with this?
Just embarrassing.
Also, I've found that people outside the startup/tech world are less likely to know about this protocol. For example, introducing a graphic designer to a business person never goes as smoothly for me as introducing one techie to another.