Comment by crazygringo | Hacker News Reader

Comment by crazygringo | Hacker News Reader

> The nice man from the stairwell appeared and was clearly making a beeline towards me to talk to me. Not good. Not good at all. This fool, who is still feeling all warm fuzzy over talking to me in the stairwell, is going to talk to me like I'm his best friend.

I'm completely confused. I rather enjoying making friends with people at work, male or female (and regardless of "rank"). If you've met someone before, and people are "milling about in an open space", why on earth wouldn't you give each other a warm friendly hi? Why is he suddenly "a fool" in a situation that is "not good at all"? And assuming he's still feeling "all warm fuzzy" (what does that even mean?) As a man, I almost feel insulted by all the assumptions being made here, and the idea that my own natural socialness might one day be so misinterpreted.

Maybe something's missing from the story, but I can't even begin to comprehend a place where a friendly hi between two people who met and chatted in a stairwell, or elevator, or lunch line, or any of the other 100's of places you run into coworkers at all levels, is somehow a bad thing. I mean, if the dude's some kind of a creep, then I get it, but the author says he's a nice guy.

Total confusion.

Evidently you didn't read the part later in the post where it turns out the man was an executive and the author was an entry-level worker. That makes a big difference.

Also, the occasion was, as you are told in the post, two days after a supervisor was fired because of a sexual harassment scandal. That makes a difference too.

"I'm worried people might think something's going on between me and So and So. So I'm going to act in the most suspicious way possible around them and assume nobody has my superior observation skills, especially not those men who keep perpetuating the glass ceiling by treating women differently."

Logic.

Not the OP, but I relate to the quoted comment. Maybe my experience will give you some insight.

Essentially, engaging in idle chit-chat is very stressful to me. It is far more stressful than anything else I do on a daily basis. In the past, I would feel physical fear when I saw someone I knew in a public place. Oh no, they're going to talk to me.

The reason for this is simple: I'm not good at enjoying conversation with people. I have trouble relating to people, so I have to struggle to be conversant. It becomes a game of "what should I say here", or "what do they mean by that", or whatever. I know that if I just said what I wanted I would seem antisocial, so instead I have to carefully mediate my responses. It's very tiring!

Having said that, this is really an issue with myself, not with the other person. I would never think to call someone a "fool" because they like to chat. The fool is the person who can't relax and enjoy a conversation.

> I know that if I just said what I wanted I would seem antisocial, so instead I have to carefully mediate my responses.

This very thing will make you appear much more antisocial than any offhanded response you would come up with.

You have to read the context. A different male employee had just been fired for inappropriate behavior with a female employee. Since he is much more higher-ranking than she is, she is concerned about what their coworkers will think about his interaction with her. It's not that she doesn't like the guy. She's trying to shield his reputation.

Yes it. reads like a scene from 1984 too me as well. Actually thinking about it the zero sum competition of most big corporations is exactly like 1984 as well.

Not just that, but chance meetings with powerful people are one key way in which to advance: one makes a good impression for a brief moment in the stairwell; one makes an even better impression at the business function; one is able to answer a few key questions; one performs well when given a small piece of greater responsibility; one advances.

Or one could make a good impression for a brief moment in the stairwell, then brush the powerful person off in public, where (rest assured) other people who know how the game is played (and how the metagame is played, and how the metametagame is played...) see--and not advance.

Yeah seems very harsh.

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