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Comment by jvrossb | Hacker News Reader

I hear this all the time, yet when I was in Denmark and Iceland I found that folks never seemed to be weirded out if I started a conversation with them (when ordering food, waiting for a bus, or out in a bar for example) in fact they'd often happily chat and even sometimes invite me along to where they were going next if they were out partying/drinking. Danes and Icelanders struck me as an incredibly friendly bunch. I've even had several people strike up conversations with me in both countries.

That being said when I was in Copenhagen I did notice that this openness didn't seem to be nearly as present amongst the Swedes who came over from Malmö. Come to think of it during my travels in Denmark and Iceland the only time Finns or Swedes ever struck up conversation with me was when they were drunk.

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That's the local stereotype also, that Swedes and Finns are more reserved than Danes [1]. I think it's still pretty uncommon (almost taboo) for Danes to start up conversations with other Danes on public transit (or in grocery stores), though, especially during regular hours on a weekday. There are usually 6-10 people at the bus stop in Copenhagen I wait at most mornings, and nobody is ever saying anything to anyone! The bus ride is usually near-silent as well. When I was in California this would usually result in at least something spoken, a few minutes of conversation about the weather or the timeliness of public transit if nothing else.

Things are more social on weekend evenings where people are on their way "out", though, that's true. And I think starting conversations with foreigners is also done more readily than with Danes, because it sort of suspends some cultural norms. Once you hear someone speak English (or another language) there's an assumption they're probably interested in talking to locals, whereas the assumption is that the average (Danish) commuter doesn't want to be bothered. Plus there's a range of easy intro lines: "where're you from?" or "what brings you to Copenhagen?" or "hey are you guys Australian?"

But to give an example of the kind of thing that was normal in California but which I've never seen in Denmark: checking out at a Trader Joe's and the clerk starting a conversation by asking some random question about what I'm buying. If I'm buying tomatoes & avocadoes, he or she might ask if I'm making guacamole, and mention they did that last weekend and then share a tip about their favorite recipe. Or if I'm buying a bottle of gin, asking if I like it in gin & tonics or in martinis. Or comment on things like, "hey man you look pretty tired, long day eh?" It can start interesting conversations (or sometimes, awkward ones), but either way that kind of interaction in a grocery line would be seen as super-weird and an intrusion on privacy in Denmark.

[1] Informative and somewhat amusing: http://folk.uio.no/geirthe/Scandinavian_images.html

> checking out at a Trader Joe's

I wouldn't draw any conclusions based on Trader Joe's. Their cashiers are friendly and quirky in that same manner around Boston as well. I wonder how they sustain that kind of culture; maybe the pay is better? Some unique interviewing process?

I don't know, all it takes (imo) is a healthy culture, something that's taught to people when they start in a few bullet points about culture / values, and then further encouraged by the team (with probably a supervisor encouraging it if the staff doesn't pick it up themselves).

Ditto in my little backwater of Spokane, WA. I hadn't thought of it before but I have had fairly in-depth conversations with cashiers at the store, probably much to the annoyance of the people behind me. A few months ago I got into a discussion about travel with a 20-something TJs cashier as she bagged my groceries. She told me about her volunteer work in Europe to help the Roma. I asked about all the Roma scammers I'd encountered in tourist spots in .de, and she gave me some political/cultural background about that. Now that you mention it I wouldn't be surprised to find that all the chatting adds a bit of pleasure to the shopping experience that encourages people to shop there again, and that management encourages it. I have to believe that the propeller-heads back at HQ have this all figured out.

One striking difference between American and German shopping is that in the latter, the staff would rather die than help you shop. I've never been approached by an employee asking "Are you finding everything OK?" for example. Nichts when cashing-out either, you'll be lucky to get a "hallo". I wonder if there's a "don't talk to strangers" principle at work with that? Maybe they simply don't care - not their job - or think you should be able to find stuff on your own if you're not an idiot?

It depends, I think on the whole it probably is a positive bit depending on the store can be off putting to certain people. For example with clothes shopping I have avoided shops which in the past have tried to be overly helpful. I much prefer to browse and try things on on my own and then if I do need help have someone to ask.

I can see two different types of scenario where this would happen. One is where the staff actually are interested in what you want to buy for a reason, the other where they have been told to make conversation.

I go to a kayak shop and I can have a genuinely interesting conversation with the guy over designs and why certain ones would suit certain types of paddler, or river. Someone I have never met before, but we share a common passion.

Then again, when I have visited the States, then it seems to be the opposite. You go to any restaurant, the waiter wants to know your name, tell you his, asks if you are having a nice day. It just comes across as false / and fishing for tips (IMHO its crazy that a rich country like the States has such a backward system for compensating employees baked into its culture).

Yeah true, I guess it is more that I have no interest in having a conversation about clothing, whereas talking about a hobby to someone who actually has an interest in it is very different.

I also feel awkward where anyone is coming across as fake in their customer service interactions, I feel much more comfortable if they just don't do any routine. I would note though that there are places where people have a script but still implement it in a way that shows they genuinely care, which is nice.

Performance reviews at Trader Joe's heavily weight customer interaction. Employees who don't engage customers very well will receive smaller raises, and eventually leave.

Source: I used to work at TJ's.

I live in a small town in the Bay Area called Pacifica, and its pretty rude to not chat up the cashiers at the grocery store here. They get bored without human contact, their job is pretty repetitive. Over time you get to know them. Its kind of cool, and why I like Pacifica.

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