What's a wallet? A digital one? What the hell? Wait, there's a paper one too? What's the difference? Store the paper ones in a vault somewhere and use my digital one? How does that work? How do I encrypt these wallets? What is encryption? And I'm responsible for storing my wallets? I can't just pay someone to take care of them for me? Oh, I can, ok, are these companies insured and trusted? Let's just take a step back, how are Bitcoins stored in these wallets? I mean, what is a Bitcoin, really?
In other words, you're being disingenuous as to how simple it really is to get set up for Bitcoin. There are countless threads on Reddit and the like by confused geeks asking for advice and instructions on wallet generation/encryption/storage/etc.