Autistic teens master social cues, find friends | Hacker News Reader

Autistic teens master social cues, find friends

physorg.com

24 pointsprofquail18 comments

I wish they had listed all the rules :-( I'm not autistic but I'd love to just have a list of rules to follow in social situations.

http://www.autismawarenesscentre.org/book-review/the-hidden-... is apparently a book on exactly this. http://www.parenting.org/behavior/socialskills/ is going to be the level they're talking about, though.

I don't know if I'd be diagnosed autistic -- Taking the test retrospectively, I would have scored 39/50 on http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html as a kid and teenager, but score 25 now. I also do not have the classic difficulty deciphering faces, but do not know if that was always true or if I've learned.

My trick? I ended up in an intense, somewhat abusive religious group that had a focus on evangelism. It was an environment where people were forced to interact positively, and I ended up learning hordes. While I had to completely relearn social interaction after leaving the group, I at least had a set of heuristics to follow.

I've struggled to figure out a way to bring this without the religious system, and haven't quite figured it out yet.

"Excuse me, sir, have you heard the good news about Emacs?"

My grandmother gave me Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior for my bar mitzvah. The Miss Manners books are not only fun to read and full of rules, but they are also interesting for some of her meta-level essays about general principles of well-mannered behavior.

Following rules isn't the worst thing, but their use is limited to not offending people in obvious ways. (Unless you try to follow rules about body language, which ultimately will creep people out.)

The main thing in a social situation, geek or non-geek, is to be as relaxed and open as possible, without any expectations or worries. Easier said than done...

Check this book out (How to Be a Gentleman):

http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Gentleman-Contemporary-Courtesy...

I got a copy around the time I started college, and it's really quite invaluable.

I believe this kind of training is known as "social pragmatics", and may be useful for some non-autism-spectrum children as well.

I'm pretty sure I would have benefitted from that as a kid... It took me a long time to learn to stop talking (or monologuing) about books and computer games and start instead listening to others and talk about what they liked.

An estimated 1 in 150 American children has some form of autism. There's no known cure.

I'm a little insulted that people still consider it a disease. It's like saying people that don't like a particular food have a disease because most people like the food. It's quite simply not the case.

My friends loathe the taste of onions. I consider them to be diseased.

My brother's girlfriend is highly allergic to onions. I consider her to be cursed.

I don't think it's that simple. Take, for instance, this gentleman [1] on YouTube with Aspergers and Tourettes lapsing into a state similar to low-functioning autism. Take note of his own description of his state: "I lose the ability to control my body, I cannot express my desires, and I can't walk without falling." That's not at all akin to a culinary preference.

[1]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt1tLnwVpG4

I was referring to high-functioning autism. Similarly, if one dislikes a particular food, they do not have a disease. If one dislikes all foods and refuses to eat, they have a disease.

Would you consider a person who cannot hear to have a disease?

In other words, do you dislike the use of the word "disease" to describe that something is missing compared to the "standard human", or do you disagree that there's anything bad about being deaf or autistic?

There are definitely bad things about being autistic, but there are good things as well (especially if you're HFA). I think it's like being white: it's bad because it increases your risk of sunburn and skin cancer, but it's good because it decreases your risk of vitamin D deficiency.

So LFA would be like being an albino?

Ha! Perfect.

Disliking a food or two doesn't detract from a person's very necessary social interaction.

If a person disliked the flavor of all foods except one or two, would that be a disease?

Given the serious negative impact this difference can have on a person's life, yes, it should be considered a disease.

IMO, the best analogy is closer to psoriasis. It's believed to be at least partly genetic, a lot of people have it, but only a few are totally debilitated. Since for the majority of sufferers, it only amounts to a little extra lotion in the morning, should it be considered a disease or a difference? I'm sure the people with mild cases would like even that to be gone.

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