Hacker News Reader

"I think it's kind of a wasteful philosophy to assume that everyone should have their own independent piece of land. If both parties are content to stay under the same roof, what's the problem?"

I think that for the majority, living with parents when you are adult is a huge psychological burden. Not only the society that does not approve such lifestyle, but also the fact that an adult person must have their own personal area to which their parents do not belong (sexual life is one example).

This is possible when you live in the same space as your parents. I think it's just about keeping the relationship age appropriate.

When one is a baby, they need everything taken care of for them. Once you become a toddler, you can probably eat by yourself if someone puts it down in front of you. By the time you're 6 or 8, you can usually do fine in the house all on your own for a few hours at a time, and so on.

The main problem is when you're a teenager, I think, because you think you know everything and your parents can realize all of the stupid crap you're doing, so there's a big clash there, but once you progress through that stage, things are easier again, as long as your parents are willing to give you an appropriate amount of space.

I think moving out _can_ be important and helpful. I just think that our society is too judgmental of some who've chosen that they prefer to be under the same roof as their parents. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, as long as both parties are sensible regarding it.

I think it depends on the parents. I know people that have parents that get drunk with them/smoke weed with them. On the other hand, there are parents that feel the need to treat their 30-year old children like 3-year-olds and second-guess every move that they make; ready to talk down at them with 'advice.'

If your parents are going to treat you like a child and/or you don't have an open enough relationship with them to feel comfortable bring home a girlfriend / having sex with your wife, then there will be inevitable conflicts.

I agree that it depends, however I don't think that it is that easy. Even if you have a good, open relationship with your parents what about your wife/girlfriend or friends? Will they be comfortable to get drunk at your place with your mom around or to have sex with you when your mom is sleeping in the next room?

>"I think that for the majority, living with parents when you are adult is a huge psychological burden."

I don't think it's universal at all. I grew up in the US with grandparents and uncle and even great-grand parents at home, and it was great.

Here in Taiwan, tons of people live in extended family homes, too. For the most part, it seems good for everyone involved. Grandma and grandpa can help watch the kids until the parents get home, so the parents don't feel so overwhelmed, the grandparents feel useful and get to enjoy family life, and the kids get more support... especially if there's also a younger auntie or uncle (with or without a live-in gf) there, too.

It's a good system.

My wife and did the same thing last year; we're both in our thirties. We moved in with my mom in order to save money for a down-payment on a new house. We both worked our tails off, saved the needed cash in 4 months, and then moved out.

We're an easy-going bunch, but those were a challenging four months. I want to believe that our problems had cultural causes-- that we would have been less tense if we were a bunch of Italians who had grown up living with extended family. I'd like that.

If you can do it without incurring too much friction between family members, then I heartily recommend it. There's simply no other way to save so much money in so little time.

In many countries other than the US (Japan for instance), there is no such compulsion for young adults to move out of their family homes. Indeed, in some cultures moving out of ones family home as a young adult is as taboo as not moving out is here.

A lower marriage age means people will have fewer relationships before marriage, which in my opinion, would lead to more unhappy marriages. Less data usually leads to less sound decisions, and I don't see why marriage would be an exception.

On the other hand, it seems that limiting choices limits buyer's remorse.

I think it depends on your personality type. For me, it'd be more like buying some gadget, then seeing the parade of possibly nicer alternatives that come out in the months that follow...