People in IT are assholes. I've only worked in retail, food, biotech and IT but IT has been my least favorite because of my coworkers. I see the shitty attitude is just an in-general IT thing and accepted.
she called me an asshole in reply.
you have pretty much the same problem here. you have no reasonable basis upon which to make that statement. it is offensive and generalized to the point of uselessness.
(Not saying anyone here is a jerk. That quote kind of changed my perspective on a situation)
The "being an-unfriendly-*" problem has often to do with tight timelines and problems/bugs that seem completely weird. Frankly, that can drive you nuts.
It's not really an excuse, but it can probably explain some behavior.
I hope we see the "shitheads get ahead" mentality give way, or at least recognize that we're first and foremost facilitators of business and that working to earn respect from coworkers is an important part of that.