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Comment by protonfish | Hacker News Reader

It's interesting that spying on a spouse is considered abuse but doing the same thing to children is not. My ex-wife and her boyfriend would do this to my teenage sons - track them with the GPS on their phones, block phone use for most of the day, record and read all messages they sent and received on their computer to a thumb drive. Maybe I'd get it if there was a problem - you caught them with drugs or thought they were sneaking out - but these kids stayed out of trouble and got good grades. I don't know where I'm going with this... Oh yeah. My ex-wife is a nasty, brutish, turd of a person.

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> Maybe I'd get it if there was a problem - you caught them with drugs or thought they were sneaking out - but these kids stayed out of trouble and got good grades.

The paranoid in me wonders if they had a second set of "clean" phones that they could use to arrange their mischief.

The not-yet-a-parent in me hopes that they did, especially since they seemed to be doing fine otherwise.

More likely they'll be passed out on their dorm floor within 15 minutes of arriving at college. I met a lot of people in undergrad with overbearing parents who partied way too hard - some of whom failed out.

1. Who's responsible for actions that affect other people?

1a - If kids misbehave badly enough, can't the parents get in trouble instead / as well?

1b - But, aren't married couples (sometimes?) responsible for eachother's debts?

2. Who's responsible if [the person being watched] gets hurt?

2a - Parents are definitely responsible for keeping kids safe, and I've heard they can sometime get in trouble for not watching closely enough even if nothing happens.

2b - Married people tend to be adults, and considered responsible for their own safety and wellbeing.

I'm guessing the different standards have something to do with (2).

2a is a real problem too.

You simply can't have it all; you can't raise children in a free-flowing environment where they can explore and learn from the consequences of their own actions, and throw parents in jail for hypothetical things that could have gone wrong because they weren't being helicopter parents. Which is damn near legally mandated now. Or at least, what is legally mandated would have been considered helicopter parenting when I grew up.

I say this without comment as to the right balance for society. I just wish there was one that I could rely on it.

The relationship between two equals (as in a marriage) is a different dynamic than that of one between a parent and a child. A spouse is an adult who can take care of himself, while a child needs guidance to avoid dangerous situations. It's not tyranny, it's parenting.

> My ex-wife is a nasty, brutish, turd of a person.

No pun intended: why you married her?

She had large breasts.

So, do you still choose your partners by that kind of physical attributes or have you learnt something?

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