First this:
> Debian still has no install for UEFI.
Then this:
> I wasn't able to get a Debian install image to burn to a thumb drive the Mac would recognize
Blaming Debian for the locked down nature of Macs and the general shortcomings of Apple-computers for hacking-purposes seems a bit far-fetched.
Get a laptop not made by patent-trolls, and you may expect better Debian-support.