This has always been and always will be a hard problem. Consider this quote which I found in The Shellcoder's Handbook:
"Wherever terms have a shifting meaning, independent sets of considerations are liable to become complicated together, and reasonings and results are frequently falsified." -- Ada Lovelace
We've known about this since literally the beginning; we'll be cursing ourselves over it until the very end. Vulnerabilities are going nowhere.
This has nothing to do with parsing text. The problem here is that Apache et all send untrusted data to a process that treats it as code. It wouldn't matter if HTTP was a binary protocol and if bash read a well defined bytecode instead. I mean, look at shellcodes.
I assume you're talking about Apache - but Apache had no way of validating the data. The protocol just said "this is a blob from the client", which any binary protocol for the task must be able to handle. Apache had no business validating it, anymore than it should validate any other content - how should it know what makes it valid?
Bash, on the other hand, just received that blob and treated it as an executable. It wouldn't matter if the protocol between the server and bash was binary, since it was a valid value as far as the protocol was concerned.
The problem here is the hidden channel between Apache and bash, which never actually talk directly to each other (it's through the CGI binary) but still pass data. It has nothing to do with text protocols.
You seem to be relying on some assumption that you have about human psychology for your security gain. Somehow people would never do that with a binary protocol, and text protocols make them more comfortable and trusting. At least they can read text protocols directly; binary protocols involve me trusting a bunch of middleware I'm using to read them, too, or writing my own (always great for security.)
The matter is that Apache and the protocols (HTTP and environment vars) are just being used as a tunnel between the attacker and bash. They can't pass functions via another channel because they don't know what functions are. All they know is they're passing blobs of data - which any protocol would do, binary or not.
Bash happens to recognize a text value as functions, but it could just as easily recognize the magic value of an ELF binary and execute that, or any other binary format used to encode functions.
TCP is a binary protocol, how does it distinguish between executable and plain text formats? Answer: it doesn't, because TCP doesn't know or care about that, that's left to the layers above to handle.
Likewise, environment variables don't know or care about "functions", that's a concept that doesn't enter into the protocol, since it's not a shell specific protocol. All it transmits are keys and values, which are generic blobs of data. That bash uses the protocol to transmit code mixed up with data is no more the protocol's fault than the fact that TCP was used to transmit those same functions on HTTP requests.
"The Unix Way" means throwing away all semantic data - passing plain strings with no context, which are then parsed and re-parsed in an completely ad-hoc manner, usually with regexp-based shotgun parsers.
Note how SQL injections, or XSS attacks are prevented - people stopped stiching strings together and started generating proper instructions through code. User input is sanitized and driven through process that converts it from untrusted string to trusted data structure. Typing SQL queries in a semantic-aware system looks almost the same as stiching strings (thanks to SQL being flat), but now you can't possibly SQL-inject yourself.
So in general: stick to text formats or not, but whatever you do, never glue data structures using tools that work on data medium layer, that are not aware of the structure and meaning of data they are operating on. E.g. never glue strings to build SQL queries or HTML code.