Comment by earless1 | Hacker News Reader

Comment by earless1 | Hacker News Reader

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I am not even sure how to properly describe it. My friends who know the real me know that I am more of an in your face kind of person, not in a bad or menacing way but in a way that may make some co-workers uncomfortable.

I like to have spirited debates with friends, which from the outside might look like arguing or some sort of confrontation. When dealing with co-workers or people that I am not very close with I do my best to tone down my personality.

I am not a small guy and certain people I've come across have even confided in me that they were for some reason intimidated by me when they first meet me. I don't think that would be the case if I were not black. not really sure what that's about

Even little things like the type of music I am willing to admit I enjoy are different between peer groups.

not sure if that answers your question but that kind of sums it up

I do think it might be the case if you were white. Why? Because I am, and you just described difficulties I've faced perfectly. I am fairly confrontational - I believe objective reality exists, we can measure and reason about it, and feelings should be ignored. I'm also 6'6", currently a cruiserweight but often a heavyweight. I intuitively think statistically, which I'm told adds to things.

A very good friend of mine told me she is sometimes intimidated by me. We have difficult conversations on a stairwell - she stands 2-3 steps up.

In my next job, I'm going to be very careful to work somewhere that shares my style. In many cultures (e.g. the NY hipster culture) I would be better off hiding the real me. So I strongly suspect this may just be you (and me), not a race thing.

Of course, human perception is biased and irrational, so my experience may be 100% me while yours is 50% you 50% race.

Thanks for the perspective. I just find it odd that people would find me intimidating especially other men who are of equal or greater size.

In my next job, I'm going to be very careful to work somewhere that shares my style. In many cultures (e.g. the NY hipster culture) I would be better off hiding the real me.

I hope that in future generations, public behavior that requires people to "hide the real" self will be regarded in the same light that toxic overtly racist speech is held in today. Usually, when people feel they need to "hide the real me" it's because they are afraid of the occurrence of a toxic mob situation with ingroup/outgroup psychology as its foundation.

This is an illustration of "Stereotype threat".

thank you for your response.

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