Comment by zamalek | Hacker News Reader

Comment by zamalek | Hacker News Reader

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The trick is to know a little about everything, which can be acquired by:

* Reading from a variety of sources (HN does provide a lot of this, click on more than just the tech articles).

* People in our age group seem to have more interest in being heard than interest in listening. Don't do that. Ask questions (which is in itself a good way to hold a conversation), even about things you wouldn't think you would be interested in.

* Learn to at least listen to opinions that differ from your own. Big bonus if you can dedicate energy to contemplating those opinions.

In addition:

* Nobody wants to hear about Game of Thrones or the latest computer game that you play. Entertainment media rarely makes for good conversation unless you share the specific entertainment piece in question (mostly sport); however, you are doing little for your future conversation ability by participating in an echo chamber.

* If you screw up people will probably forget about you, not remember you as an idiot. Don't be scared to practice on strangers.

* Keep your bloody phone in your pocket and ignore it.

Knowing a little about everything is helpful. But being interested in what you can learn from others is even more helpful! Get other people talking, and just encourage and steer them so you get value from it.

When people complain about uninteresting conversations, they often mean, "I wish that other dude would shut up so I could talk about the stuff I like!" They're not listening. If they were listening and interacting with what the other person has to say, they wouldn't be bored and frustrated.

>Ask questions (which is in itself a good way to hold a conversation), even about things you wouldn't think you would be interested in.

This is really the only trick. People love to talk about themselves.

As the saying goes: "Interested people are interesting."

I find the people who interest me the most are those whose view differs from others but is well thought out. If everyone listened but did not talk, the world would be a boring place. I'm a fringe dweller at HN. Someone mentioned relevant conversation and that's very true. I find some great things on HN that make me think. I used to frequent Ars Technica, but it became too sexist, so I now frequent a variety of non-mainstream sites for varying views of the world. I'm lucky enough to have very interesting and diverse friends off the Internet.

Thank you for writing this. I use to be good and patient listener, yet at one point it is like a switch and now I am very impatient and even though I am aware I am doing it, I still can't wait to tell you :) what I think. Anyhow, thanks for writing it out.

That's not the only trick, but it does help. A much more important factor is the openness/candidness with which you present yourself, and the amount of perceived empathy & compassion you have for the person you're engaging with. A one sided conversation is not a conversation at all.

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