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Comment by dangayle | Hacker News Reader

I tried to explain all that to my gf, but she was having none of it. It was either a diamond or hit the road, Jack.

Proposed to her last Saturday with a shiny diamond ring, she's now my fiance, so I think it was worth it.

Not to be a dick or anything, but "diamond or hit the road" sounds like she is valuing the diamond more than you. I'm sure there was some hyperbole involved, maybe your post is actually an ironic fable, but if neither of those are true ... well, good luck!

Yeah, I'm curious about that attitude. Not personally examining the grandparent (to whom I wish a long and happy marriage), but is that a real thing, that a woman would break off a promising life because of the lack of a diamond ring? If she would, does that indicate that she doesn't know how to otherwise value a mate, or sees it as an overriding signal of this mate's suitability (even over rational things like job prospects, attractiveness, health, kindness)?

This has come up before and people on HN seem adamant that women will dump you if you don't buy them diamonds. My suspicion is that either this theory hasn't actually been thoroughly tested, or it's to do with the kind of women the men of Silicon Valley tend to seek out.

The same could be said about someone trying to cheap out on a ring, he's valuing a couple thousand dollars over her. Its just a fiance signing bonus.

I'm guessing you consider a couple of thousand dollars to be quite a small amount of money?

It is a pretty small amount of money. If his fiance was asking him for a super expensive ring while they were broke, yea that is pretty shitty.

It's not him who was refusing her.

Furthermore: is't not just couple thousand dollars at stake. It's a hole in decision making that would result in permanent money leaks going forward.

Oh, yeah. She would never leave me over something like that, but I definitely got the look. If it was a matter of money, I know she would totally understand. But in her mind and essentially every girl I've ever met, it's a diamond they want. Even if it's a small one, it's symbolic.

Sounds like you got a raw deal. You just proposed to someone who literally would dump you over not getting a shiny rock. Coercion like that is a major red flag.

Most of nature has mating rituals to signify fitness of a mate, in almost infinite variety.

A fraction of homo sapiens was convinced into an irrational addition to that ritual by being unaware of the psychological manipulation targeted directly at that mating ritual, and the omnipresent self-esteem trigger.

It's not coercion, it's an instinct corrupted by greed.

About what hueving said, I bet that's a good question to ask her. Or if you're the kind that likes games, tell her is not really a diamond, and check her reaction. No, we're not 12, ask her!

Cool, congrats man!

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