My 5 cents: You need more calls to action. Make more DONATE links, especially near the end -- you don't want to make the reader scroll backwards to find one.
This will seem cheesy. That's okay. You're doing a sales pitch. Everyone knows that within the first three seconds. The hard-boiled prose style will help balance the presence of all the DONATE links. You can even try to work them in in humorous ways. For example, I think it wouldn't be too silly if the last word on the page -- "donate", at the end of the final joke -- were linked to an action page.
I agree with the person who suggests asking for a specific dollar amount. ("$100, but if not, whatever you can afford") I base my argument on the fact that every phone solicitor does this, so someone must have determined it was effective. But I could be wrong. Perhaps this is the perfect time for some A/B testing.
Think of NPR, and how during their pledge drives they recite the phone number every fifteen seconds. [1] You get the impression that the people giving the spiels are staring at a clock that blinks every fifteen seconds with an alert: "SAY THE NUMBER NOW." Sometimes they barely manage to finish their sentence before injecting the number.
Good luck!
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[1] Note that, however annoying your page may be to some people, it is an order of magnitude less annoying than an NPR pledge drive. ;)
I agree with the more links thing. I'm gonna add that in now (that is once I finish what i have to do for my actual 9-5 job).
[Edit: added more action links to each section]
Thanks for the feedback.
Your right It's only now you've said that I properly noticed that.
I followed your link to the Chordoma Foundation and donated $25. It's not much, but I hope it helps.
Good luck.