Palo Alto's real estate prices are among the highest in the nation. To afford that kind of real estate you have got to be a pretty big achiever; you've got to be book smart, emotionally smart, and capable. Unfortunately these traits are not 100% heritable. Yet the expectation is placed on the children to achieve at a level comparable to their parents. Living in an environment with identity-level expectations that are impossible to satisfy is miserable.
Banishment, or the threat of it, is one of the most psychologically difficult ordeals. Cut off from friends, community and our surroundings we have become accustomed to.
Making a middle-class lifestyle in the Bay Area affordable, with better transit, will go a long way.
Anything below a 3.9 and you were seen as not all that interested in academics.
To achieve this, you take probably 3-4 honors classes freshman year, along with the dreaded dead weight PE and a language if your school doesn't offer an AP language.
Then you transition to 2-3 AP classes as well as 2 honors classes (Precal and English) sophomore year, as well as secondary PE.
Junior year and senior year you take 5 or 6 APs.
Then, if the competition still has not been shaken, there is option of enrolling in supplementary colleges at the local JC after school or over summer (which, nicely, also are measured out of 5.0 on the HS transcript).
I enrolled in a mid tier private college instead of a UC due to fear of working harder than I did in high school.
I cannot believe how much free time there is. I'll probably transfer up soon. We'll see.
If one looks at the inputs into the cost-of-living issue, I suspect one would actually find that much of the pressure cooker atmosphere is the result of bad policy. There's no shortage of land, energy, labor, or even water* in Silicon Valley. But there's an enforced shortage of these things, and the resulting high prices create the "banishment effect" for these children.
* Since I'll take some flak for this, here's one supporting view: http://www.city-journal.org/2015/cjc0402vdh.html
The kids I spoke of lived in shady canyon and had a ton of competition to get good enough grades to be in the advanced classes because if you weren't in the advanced classes you wouldn't get into the AP classes and have a higher GPA and get into the "good" college, get the good job, etc. This is from the perspective of seeing a good friend and her kids. It seemed immense pressure to me looking in but most of the kids got almost perfect SATs, were in multiple extracurriculars (soccer, track, putting on a community concert, etc.), acted in commercials, etc. I thought they were all insane personally. :-)
He probably made about $60k.
It was clear he was having a hard time grasping the vast gap between the life he was able to afford on his own and the life he had growing up. In under a year, he quit to take a 100% remote job specifically so he could move back in with his parents.
The financial arithmetic of living in Silicon valley alone doesn't attract me. But the work-yourself-to-death culture is enough to warrant the place a wide berth. My brother died suddenly a few years ago. He was here one moment. Gone the next. So be here, now. You'll never get another chance.
I live in the area and I have two kids in middle school. It's incredibly hard to not get sucked into keeping up with the Joneses here.
I would want to provide them the luxury of being a silly kid and the ability to explore and just mess around. To be curious without everything being an ulterior motive for succeeding. Because from age 20 or so til 65 you are expected to work your ass off in our culture. On the other hand it feels like a disservice to them since all these crazy alpha parents are driving their kids hard from a young age.
So kudos to you for trying to find a balance.
"There is no evidence against genetic determinism more damning than the children of the rich.”
Frankly the kids are way, way sharper than most adults I meet. Even in the bay area.
Stuy and Bronx Science are entrance exam based, so those going there are at the top of the heap academically to begin with.