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Why is it a library? An executable script would be enough.

Distribution, maintenance and pushing updates will be lot simpler.

also, as a rockstar programmer, I do things right way ;)

Great answer.

Though now I feel my 140 day streak is wildly inadequate. :(

If you were a true rockstar, this would be called rockstar.io/rockstar.js and written in node to make it webscale.

bruh, what about assembly?