In your terminal Ctrl+a will return you to the start of whatever line you have typed, and ctrl+e will return you to the end.
597 karma · joined March 5, 2013
https://darrelld.com
1. Buy a notebook. Get a pen and put it to paper. YMMV, but I've found using apps for any kind of deep thought is distracting. It only takes one notification to put you off track. Also I've found writing things has the effect of making it more "real". Use this notebook to keep notes and adjustments to your plans. Don't fall into the trap of keeping it "pretty" like that one subreddit that worships perfectly written out notes. Life is messy, expect this notebook to be so too.
2. Figure out your ultimate goal in life. You should be able to summarize it in once sentence, maybe even just a few words. This may take you some time. It took me years to get down to my ultimate goal: "Age gracefully". Write it down in your notebook. You may go through multiple revisions of this goal. Maybe you start off with a 2 page manifesto, then break it down to 2 paragraphs. Point is you ultimately need to get it down to one sentence.
3. Figure out what obtaining your ultimate life goal entails. For me aging gracefully means having Financial Independence, Being Healthy, Building a Tribe and working on a Passion Project. If you write down your ultimate goal in the center of a page, each of these other sub items should be a circle surrounding your ultimate goal.
4. Write down in detail using numbered bullet points what gaining each of the sub items means. For example Financial independence for me had 4 sub items: Not being in debt, Growing asset portfolio, passive income and adopting a anti-consumerist mindset. Make as many sub bullet points under each of these as you need. Start going into micro details in your sub bullet points. Make plans for how you are going to get yourself to do these bullet points or achieve them.
The big picture goal here is to start with what you want at the end and work backwards by one step thinking of what you need to have done just before goal x to get there.
From there keep coming back to your written goals. Make notes, make updates. Make it a conversation back and forth with yourself. Maybe something didn't need to be a goal, maybe you need more goals. My notebook is full of notes, scratched out things and updates. Seeing my thought process on paper gives me the clarity to keep making the right plans as I move forward in life.
As for timelines, I generally try to set timelines for what I want in: - This week (short term TODO items and errands) - Monthly (Bigger picture theme I'd like to accomplish for the month) - Quarterly (Each month's goals should contribute to my quarterly goals) - Yearly ( 3 - 4 things that my quarterly goals feed into) - 3 year outlook (Direction I want my life to be heading into in 3 years. Vague and open ended, Yearly goals sent more detail) - 5 year outlook (same as 3 year, just another time notch to keep me focused) - 10 year outlook( see above...even loftier, more grand and visionary) - Ultimate life goal (should be the 1 sentence goal the guides your life)
I'm still figuring it out as I go, but if I could recommend you do just one thing it would be to get a notebook and keep writing in it to plan out your life. There is nothing quite like thinking on paper.
There are organizations already embedded in these movements. They know what they need, they typically don't have the money to get it done.
I know it won't satisfy that itch to find an engineering solution, but your $$ are truly are the best way to support.
I got sick a few days later.
Went to the doctor who said they couldn't give COVID-19 tests since they didn't have it, but she gave me a regular flu test.
Results came back and I was flagged as positive for Coronavirus, but it came with a note from my doctor saying there was no way to confirm that it was COVID-19. I assume it was given symptoms and timing.
I keep asking him about why they still use on premises equipment and it boils down to:
* Cost for training / transitioning + sunk cost fallacy * Perceived security risk (right or wrong) * IT is mostly invisible and currently "works" with the current arrangement, why change?
Here are some things I try to keep in mind as I try to learn new things:
* Get enough sleep and nutrition. If you're tired/hungry you're going to feel overwhelmed faster
* Don't rely on motivation, instead rely on discipline. Motivation is great for a burst of energy, but it will eventually leave you. Discipline, on the other hand, is what will make you start and finish that book / online course, etc.
* Track your progress in whatever way is best suited to you. This could be as simple as a check on a calendar or using an app. Personally I like the Jiffy and Habits app on the Android store. Seeing progress helps with both motivation and discipline.
* Learn one thing at a time. It's tempting to spread yourself thin, but sticking to one thing is best.
* Give yourself more time than you think you'll need to learn. In a classroom setting you can raise your hand and ask an expert a question which they can quickly clear up for you. When you're doing self-study you'll find that you may ask the wrong question, interpret things wrong, go down a Google rabbit hole trying to understand related topics, dig through forum answers which may not quite answer your question, and leave you with even more questions.
* Figure out your learning method. Maybe it's video, maybe it's a book. Your preferred learning method may change over time and it may change by topic. Don't be afraid to stop one method and pick up with a new one, or change midway through. For example, when I'm learning a new language I find video courses helpful to get me started, but then once I'm running and past the basics, I find text content easier to digest.
* Personally I get frustrated when learning new things when someone decides to coin a new jargon term. For example a little while back I ran into the term "upsert" to refer to an "update or insert" process. The text I was reading used it like I was supposed to know what it was, but I had never run into it before. These things frustrate me and usually make me feel like I'm way behind in basic knowledge and tend to kill both motivation and discipline. Why not just the extended-term, especially in a course designed for beginners? It causes a weird mental block for me. My solution is to just say "Fuck you, but fine. I accept this as it is". It's a little mental prayer than helps me move past the feeling.
Narcissists are broken people incapable of self-reflection and everything centers around them.
They see everything in the world as being put here for their enjoyment. They thrive off of attention (negative or positive) and it's the only time they feel alive.
The effects of meditation tend to last well beyond the initial mediation session and seep into your day to day interactions.
I used to take everything personally and be paranoid about everything all the time and meditation helped with that.
YMMV.
Most of the advice in this thread to cure narcissism is completely useless. People are posting things like go to church, join a group, have a family, etc, but they don't understand the truth that narcissists are truly broken people on the inside incapable of any type of self-reflection.
OP likely isn't a narc because narcs can't see anything wrong with any of their behavior. Everyone in their life could tell them that their behavior is toxic and they will spin it in their heads that they are the victim.
> And for those people who suspect they have close relationships with narcissistic behavior, run if you can.
Best piece of advice in the entire thread.
See r/raisedbynarcissists
Pushing a narc to have a family is a terrible idea.
True narcissists won't even have the thought cross their mind or see it as something to fix. They think they are perfect in every way. To admit to imperfection would shatter their sense of self and that is something they must protect at all costs. They can't see how their behavior affects others. They are God's gift to us in their minds.
You're probably just self-centered. Not quite the same as NPD.
Try these things:
* Don't like listening to people? Get over it, practice listening
* Judge situations from just your perspective? Just try to see it from another angle.
* Inflated ego? We all came screaming head first out of a vagina or yanked out of a cut womb. You're not special. We're all going to die.
* Take things too personally? Try meditating.
EDIT:
Been reading through the comments and most of you are uneducated about the true nature of narcissists or have never crossed paths with one in any meaningful way (luckily for you).
Here are the spark notes about narcissists:
The DSM-V defines narcissism as:
`A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:`
To be categorized as a narcissist you have to meet 5 of 9 traits defined here :
https://www.nyu.edu/gsas/dept/philo/courses/materials/Narc.P...
* Narcissists aren't born, they are created and there is a strong link that shows it is a heritable characteristic learned in early adolescence.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3973692/
* Generally, it's either learned from a parent in the home or traumatic emotional abuse.
* Narcissists have a very fragile ego and are constantly protecting it, they simultaneously want your approval and despise you for their need for your approval.
* Narcissists cannot self reflect as part of a defense mechanism to their ego, they believe they are perfect in every way, and therefore do not need to change their behavior.
* They have their own world view and if you show them differently they will simply ignore it and subsequently you.
* Narcissists thrive on the attention and adoration of others, this can come from their children, co-workers, friends, family, lovers, really anyone. They thrive on both negative and positive attention. This is called narcissistic supply. Narcs need a constant supply to keep their egos inflated. It's like oxygen to them.
* They will utilize a variety of tactics to entangle new forms of supply and keep them confused and entrapped. These tactics include:
- Love bombing (Constant praise, stroking your ego, constant attention)
- Mirroring (You like snowboarding? I like snowboarding! you like video games? I like video games!)
- Projection (You're going to cheat/ steal/ lie, meanwhile they are doing exactly those things to you. They will accuse you of these things first to muddy the waters when you eventually catch on to their behavior)
- Word salads (complete nonsense, logical fallacies out of their mouths to confuse you when talking or arguing)
- Extreme mischaracterization or exaggeration of what you've said
- Moving goalposts (I'll start helping with chores when my minor injury heals when I'm less stressed when it's spring etc)
- Conditioning (Like pavlovian training: if you're in a good mood doing a certain activity they will start an argument to soil your association with that activity)
- Gaslighting (I didn't say I liked video games, you must have misunderstood me)
- Name calling and aggressive criticism (Usually disguised as a joke or with a "Just kidding!")
- Triangulation or Flying Monkeys (using a third party to torment you further)
- Discard /devaluation (Once you've caught onto them, or they've found a better source of supply you will be ignored or spoken about in condescending terms)
* Narcissists cannot truly generate happiness of their own, so they try to leech it from others and hate them for their ability to generate happiness
* Extended contact with a narcissist can lead to CPTSD
* Narcissists cannot change because they do not want to change since they see nothing wrong with their behavior.
In short, all of this advice to read a book, join a club, start a family, etc is useless for a narcissist. Also, narcissists are highly resistant to therapy. They rarely check themselves in and they only time they end up in front of a therapist is for something unrelated to their narcissism.
If you meet one run.
2/ Have strong opinions that are loosely held but be open to having your mind changed
3/ Listen. No, really listen. Shut up, stop just waiting to respond to what someone said and listen to them as if you made the first contact with an alien species that was giving you the keys to the universe. Don't interrupt, don't rush to spout out an answer. Don't let your mind wander
4/ Make solid eye contact.
5/ Smile as much as you can. Note: Don't force a fake smile if you're not feeling it.
6/ Don't be overly negative or critical. Don't be an asshole.
7/ Give honest and genuine compliments.
Also, I have a specific playlist of music that gets me in an active mood that I listen to before any social events, speaking to a group or going out on dates. It's made a world of a difference for me.
First some links of places that helped me out: reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice https://www.youtube.com/user/RealMenRealStyle https://www.youtube.com/user/AlphaMconsulting https://www.youtube.com/user/Teachingmensfashion
(Note: The youtubers will keep trying to sell you stuff in their ads, some of it is good, some of it is trash. Probably best to just ignore the advertising while you're starting out.)
The /r/malefashionadvice subreddit has a good wiki. Check out the links for beginners and people getting started. Also look through their WAYWT threads(What Are You Wearing Today) to get an idea of what looks good on others. It's easier to copy what others are getting right. For example see a guy that looks your age and size and you like what he's wearing? Copy it.
The youtube channels have a lot of good information especially real men real style. Check out the videos that are relevant to you.
Overall the biggest thing you can do to immediately dress better is to wear clothes that fit. So focus on understanding what a properly fitted pair of pants, t-shirt, polo, and dress shirt and suit should look like on you. Get your measurements so you know what your sizes are, and make friends with a good tailor.
After you nail the fit, everything else is really extra credit IMO.
Ready to start working on some projects, especially seeing how some exploits / projects were so "simple" and straight forward.
Need to buy something? Throw it on the backlog. Oooh this looks cool and I should learn it. Throw it on the backlog.
Schedule things out every two weeks.
I don't know the extent of what you're going through, but it can always get better.
I was tangled up with a narc for over 18 years and didn't know what I was dealing with. It's one of the most soul-crushing things if you don't know what's going on. When figured out what I was dealing with, it was like waking up out of a coma.
I've come to realize that I do want to share pictures, funny videos and all the internet has to offer, but I want to do it on my own terms and actually own what I put up until I decide to take it down.
It'll be the single place to go to find out what's going on with me. If I'm connected with you on social media that I have, you can see more details compared to random visitor.
Not super complex, just me a WordPress install and an idea.
Hoping the 1,500M era is nothing but good memories of getting my hands dirty again.
I like uplifting news, but I'm not willing to pay for it.
As developers we're always sharing and reading stories of young millionaires who did something that "We could do in an afternoon" and think we're failing if we just get a decent job that keeps us in comfort.
I felt a lot like OP as I was moving into my 30's. Then I realized that traveling and photography make me much happier than stressing out over being the best programmer or trying to make millions on some novel new idea.