Now let's take a look at some popular Java apps: Eclipse, SAP's frontend, Lotus Notes, Atlassian JIRA/Confluence, JDownloader... recognize the pattern of slowness?
PHP might have been designed by monkeys (and many of the early design mistakes are gone by now, anyway!), but at least PHP kept the 10-abstraction-layers-minimum monkeys away. Also, a PHP web (or CLI, or GUI) app will in most cases eat far less RAM than a Java app of same functionality.
Also, PHP projects are far faster to develop because the intermediate step of compiling is removed, and it's far easier (and faster) to deploy PHP projects than a Java web app.
Edit: did some quick measurement on a RPi 1, java hello world vs PHP hello world vs C hello world:
javac takes 16.8s wall time, 28MB peak RSS. Running the program itself is 1.99s wall time, 13MB peak RSS.
PHP in contrast is a single process with 0.7s wall time, 14MB peak RSS.
C takes 1.24s wall time for the compile, 15MB peak RSS. The resulting program takes 0.01s wall time, 1MB peak RSS.
Versions are openjdk 7u91-2.6.3-1+rpi1, php 5.6.14+dfsg-1+b1 and gcc 5.2.1-23+rpi1.
That compile time of javac is simply... wtf.