I survived that whole dotcom boom watching all of my male internet buddies start, get hired at and then cash out of start-ups. As many times as I privately asked to be considered, I was denied. My male friends networked for jobs, got references. I asked for the same and got hems and haws and shufflings of feet. I had to marry one of them, just to get that opportunity. It worked: I've stayed with MTSO for 3 years -- longer than any place I've worked since I left high school. Sounds bitter, doesn't it?
The truth is, I never let myself be bitter. And I've always told the women who do whine to suck it up. Whining sets a bad example.
So let's review:
- I'm exceptionally motivated. You put yourself through college scrubbing toilets and see how motivated you are. So far there is nothing I've tried that, in time, I did not excel at. Pardon my hubris. But it's impossible to be at the top of a game you cannot play, right?
- I would have loved that job. I kept applying and kept getting turned down. The closest I could get was as a contractor, which is kinda like a temp who can script instead of type. Sun hired me to train full-time employees. Contracting came to a swift end when I became pregnant. To quote, "We think you should reconsider your fit within this organization." You don't forget words like that.
- I used to program, decades ago. I quit, but I don't exactly remember why. It's a mystery, because coding does not feel like work, and I get paid for that, now. Instead, I spent those decades as a sysadmin. I have a lot of grey hair and innumerable scars on my arms and legs from running cable and shifting heavy equipment.
- I worked 100 hour weeks, anyway. Even now I try to cram work into every small time slice available (today, that meant coding while waiting for an x-ray appointment). I always was paid less than my male peers, so the threat of being paid next to nothing is meaningless to me. I wouldn't trade what I do now for anything short of "independently wealthy." What does crushing defeat really feel like? When a famous do-no-evil company interviews you and asks what your kids will do all day while you're at work. Or a recruiter mentions she hears your kids in the background and asks for reassurance that you can work 40 hours a week. That's the moment when it hits you that all the blood, sweat and tears that flowed from you while you were paying your dues count for nothing. A friend of mine quit the industry for two years to work as a roofer. He walked right back into a six-figure salary. Note that I've never had a six-figure salary, but I know what most of my old co-workers made then and make now.
- No, sir, the pinnacle of my career comes at the ripe old age of 40 when I really don't care if we ever cash out. I'm sure Tom does, but not me. Risk tolerance? All our eggs are in this one basket. Even though I know that, if something goes wrong, we can get "regular jobs," this is just too much fun. Not in it for the money... in it for the bragging rights.
When I went back to work full-time, Tom didn't quite have a sense of what I was up against. Though I think he got an inkling when I was interviewed by someone who showed me a picture of his ass during the interview. Heck, I was even SURPRISED to find out that it was illegal for to be asked what my kids would be doing while I was at work. And I called that recruiter's boss -- a woman, also. She peed all over herself, verbally, apologizing.
Your ideas to make startups more palatable are not bad, but they are expensive. Startups need to run lean. And as for women, a lot of the time we're trying not to aggravate bias by whining. As my grandmother said, "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." Nobody likes a whiner. It's a dignity thing. But I don't have anything to lose. So if you want to hear more of the gory stories of my work experiences, feel free to track me down and email me.
Oh, and sorry for the really long response. It was a long post.