> My doula rubs lavender essential oil on my temples, and my husband plays “Push It,” the Spotify playlist I created for labor and delivery. I have a photo of Beyoncé propped up on the over-bed table, because if anything can inspire me, it’s Queen Bey. Also on the table is my birth plan, which is kind of like a wish list for delivery. That includes modest requests, like keeping the door to my room closed, as well as more imperative things, like, “Please delay all routine procedures on the baby until after the bonding and breastfeeding period.”

> The bulk of my produce was organic, my drinking water purified through a reverse-osmosis system. I used clove oil on a persistent toothache instead of visiting the dentist, because I didn’t want any anesthetic to pass through my body and into the placenta. During all 42 weeks, the hardest drugs that entered my body were prenatal vitamins and puffs from my prescription asthma inhaler.

"But... I'm white! I'm middle-class! I have a doula! It's patently absurd that these nurses could think I did drugs! Just look at me! What do you mean that's exactly what a drug user would say?"

From her point of view she's a perfect mommy, but as far as the nurses and doctors know, she's just somebody who showed up pregnant with meth in her system and an unlicensed hippie who's smearing lavender oil around the place.