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Actually, maybe you should try Slack in earnest with a project team before assuming the OP criticisms are wacked.

I tried it with my team about a year ago, and all of the OP criticisms resonate with me. We don't use Slack anymore.

I think what turned me off was the headline. If it had been more well-scoped, e.g. "Slack sucks balls when it comes to doing real work", I'd be less complainy. I've enjoyed Slack for conversation in medium-ish interest groups/clubs (100 <= x < 500), in which the channels aren't overwhelming and there's almost never a need to do private chat with more than one other person.

Everything in the context of work loses its allure, such as "unlimited" vacation time.

What do you use? We are about to switch to Slack from Skype for messaging (that's all we use Skype for). Right now we are running both but I prefer Slack.

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