I'm not sure, I skimmed the entire thing and still don't know.

I... think it's a set of standards around universal access? Or maybe a new program/initiative for creating more accessible technology in general? A public confirmation that they care about accessibility?

I'm going with the first one after downloading and skimming the inclusive design guidelines pdf listed.

However, I'm still confused. I don't know how much confidence I have in Microsoft being able to design universally accessible interfaces if this marketing vomit of a website does everything within its power to obscure what it's trying to actually say.

Looks like this is not about giving so "do this, do that" kind of guidelines but to guide your thinking process. So you would gather your design team and then go through the exercises listed in the PDF (the "Support cards" are listed at the end of it):

http://download.microsoft.com/download/B/0/D/B0D4BF87-09CE-4...

Have a look at the PDFs. I guess it is designed to help you rethink the situations in which the software you write will be used, how it will be used and by whom.

It's about building awareness. I read the title and was expecting to see something actionable like Web Content Accessibility Guidelines https://www.w3.org/WAI/intro/wcag.php which explains and then how to test a product against it. The only guidelines seem to be Universal Windows Platform that seems more about writing for the Windows ecosystem.

Coloured people, women in wheel chairs, and men who have babies.

As far as I can tell.