Isn't Apple using the latest & greatest Intel mobile CPUs?
> I want a modern video card so game-playing is cool when I feel like it.
I don't know much about gaming but isn't the Radeon HD in the 15" model based on the latest AMD architecture? I can't even find any benchmarks for it so are you sure it's not good enough?
> I want ludicrously excessive amounts of memory.
Do your memory requirements take disk IO speed into consideration? When you can read from disk at 3GB/sec I'm not sure the old assumptions about memory capacity hold true anymore.
> I want lots of connectors so I can plug in my current USB drives and mouse and keyboard.
USB-C is great for this. You can connect all your accessories to a hub and only need to plugin one cable for power, external display, storage, input devices, etc.
> I want a PS Card reader because I shoot RAW so my photo files are huge and they ingest faster from a card
USB-C card readers cost about $10-$15 so you could probably just buy a few of them if you're concerned about losing them. Most of them are multi-card readers too so you're actually gaining functionality in the process. Also when newer/faster SD standards come out in the future you can simply buy a new USB-C card reader instead of being stuck with the one built into your computer.