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Comment by ap22213 | Hacker News Reader

41 here and totally agree. I got into a long term relationship at 20, and because of that I missed a lot of opportunities.

I eventually got a divorce at 30 (unrelated), and I had some great sex for a while but then got married again. While, I love my spouse, I think back on those moments of freedom and wildness often. Wish I had more memories of them.

Some tips (from the person who started late): Don't do one nighters - they're just not memorable long-term. Don't do it drunk - it dulls the memory. Don't do it just for the sex either - it's way, way more enjoyable when you're really into someone. And, don't waste time with people who have no passion or intuitiveness. If they can't kiss well or seem to lack interactivity, it's probably not worth it, no matter how much they may want you.

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What if you can't ever find someone who truly likes you? Being a short and unnatractive male I've completely given up on dating or meeting someone who actually likes me. I've experienced so much negativity around my height and overall looks that it's just not worth it anymore.

Nowadays the only way I can have intimate relationships is via prostitutes; however I don't visit them often as I can see through their acting, for once I would like to have an intimate relationship with someone who is truly into me, but then I am 33 and my libido is fading (yay!) I know that I will regret not having sex in my 30's and 20's in my 40's but I feel powerless.

Not sure where you live, but it helps to live somewhere where the female / male ratio is high. For example, much of CA has a lot of males to females. I would probably never be able to get a date there, especially with all of the overly motivated men. But, the north east US is much the opposite. For example, I live in DC, and it's way easier to get a date here - almost too easy. Plus, women here are highly educated and appreciate smart men.

As far as how to find them, don't use dating services. It's way too hard for 'normal' guys to compete. Women get so much attention on those services that it boosts their expectations, and they become more selective. Instead, you have to go to the places that they go.

As for looks, put it in context. Unless you're in one of the high male areas (where competition naturally forces men to up their game), most men are pretty average looking. If you look around, I'm guessing you'll see lots of men who are in the middle. That's your baseline. And, if you can get 5-10% better, then it's remarkably more effective.

Studies have shown that perception of attractiveness changes when people get to know each other better (they rate each other more attractive). Most men are ugly anyway - and women see it as such, too. Their perception of male attractiveness follows a power law, whereas male perception of female attractiveness is a normal distribution. Meaning most women only consider few men attractive, whereas most men consider most women attractive.

As a man, if you can get the basics right (personal hygiene, good clothes), you are already in the top quantile. Bummer about the height, but there are also women who are not very tall.

>Bummer about the height, but there are also women who are not very tall.

Actually, I its the shorter women who have higher standards for male height, the most "harsh" rejections (due to height) have come from short women.

Taller women have been friendlier/more polite but at the end of the day I still get rejected.

Welcome to a man's life...

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