Comment by arkadiyt | Hacker News Reader

Comment by arkadiyt | Hacker News Reader

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Fun read - after finishing that I went back and read the post from a year ago ("I quit the tech industry") that the author is now providing an update on. In it they wrote the following:

"I spent much of April and May increasingly grumpy and withdrawn and on edge. Weekends and evenings have become even less useful, instead being clogged by a sense of paralyzing dread that I’m wasting fleeting time if I’m not doing ten amazing things at once. I’ve foregone trivial maintenance like cleaning junk off my desk because I don’t feel like I have 20 minutes to spare. I stay up hours later than I mean to, not even doing anything, just trying to put off sleeping — because the next thing I experience will be waking up and going back to work.

(I hate dread. What a completely useless emotion. Let’s just stop doing anything, and feel bad about something that hasn’t happened yet, and also feel bad about not doing anything because we’re too busy feeling bad. This will definitely improve anything in any way.)"

I suppose I always knew in the abstract that others felt this way, but reading it from someone else like this was comforting.

I wonder if dread is the right word for it. I've always associated feelings of dread with knowing (or fearing) something is going to happen that will be terrible. You can certainly dread going to your job, but that weird state of limbo--where you do absolutely nothing because you simultaneously are avoiding something but also are feeling guilty for avoiding it--always felt like a different animal to me. Then again, I've never had a good word to describe it, so who knows.

That describes it quite well.

That empty feeling where you have so much to do, but you end up just ticking over without any ambition or drive.

How do I fix?

In Indian metaphysics, this state of mind is called "rajas", which arises from a mind frenzied by self centred desires. It is characterised by desire ridden action which lacks a goal beyond the elevation of the actor.

It is compared and contrasted with tamas (lethargy/sloth) and satva (equanimity and poise).

You should check out the Vedanta Treatise[0] if you're interested further.

Disclaimer: studied Vedanta under the author in India.

[0] https://www.amazon.com/Vedanta-Treatise-Eternities-Parthasar...

What was that experience of studying Vedanta like? I'm currently in India trying to learn more about Indian philosophy and spirituality and I don't know where to start.

I spent 3 years at the Vedanta Academy[0]. The experience was life changing, mostly ineffable.

If you pushed me, I'd say that it provided me with a solid set of first principles from which value judgements could be made. It seems like I was 'living randomly' before.

If you're interested, check out this talk[1] by the author. Then if you'd like to visit the Academy you could shoot a mail to visitinfo@vedantaworld.org

[0] www.vedantaworld.org

[1] https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HxSX7WIdt2E

Well, you could check out what is said to be "the only book Steve Jobs had on his iPad (and the one handed out at his memorial service): https://www.amazon.com/Autobiography-Self-Realization-Fellow...

[sorry: don't have link of Amz in India]

I normally make a prioritised list and work through the items on the list. If I do not, I cannot fathom which item to do first and there is so much to keep track of that I forget to do some of the items.

So a list forces me to document what I need to do, and work through it methodically.

This approach works well for me (when I have the motivation to write the list). Breaking each task down into smaller sub-tasks is helpful too. I usually end up with a list of very simple directives that leave little room for thinking (or ruminating).

Having this allows you to concentrate on one thing at a time and avoid 'analysis paralysis', which make you more efficient at some tasks. For example:

Task: 'Clean the house'

1. Grab big garbage bag

2. Go from room to room and put garbage in bag.

3. Put garbage bag in outside bin.

4. Grab large basket.

5. First room: put items that do not belong in room into the basket.

6. Subsequent rooms: Items in basket that belong -> dump somewhere in room. Items that don't belong in room -> in the basket.

....

etc.

Isn't it too exhaustive? I can imagine myself thinking "oh, no, I have to do another enormous list!" every time.

I vary with how I do lists and how extensive they are, but sometimes I do put fairly trivial stupid things on simply because it's easy to cross off, and crossing something off is proof you're past "getting started" and that's often the hardest part.

Using the parent's example, 'Clean house' is too big, 'Clean living room' may even be too big. My approach might be something like:

* Living room:

  * Remove garbage

  * Put dirty dishes in kitchen

  * Put stuff that doesn't belong in tote 

  * Put everything that does belong on shelves 

  * Vacuum

I like each thing to be an 'accomplishment' in itself -- however trite -- because there is a meaningful result (even if no one but me cares or notices).

This is what happens for me even with shorter lists.

Or, I try to ease myself into working by starting with a list, but start feeling overwhelmed as the list grows longer.

When this happens, I more often than not end up procrastinating. It usually takes a critical deadline and an unhealthy amount of panic to break the deadlock.

Yeah that didn't work for me either. Try a really short pithy list:

* Take out the trash

Then 5 minutes later, congratulate yourself for getting your entire todo list done. If you are really ambitious, you can make a similarly pithy list for tomorrow, but do not do it until tomorrow; if you're anything like me that will lead to burn-out.

After a week or two, graduate to a list with two items on it. Don't worry about a month from now. You can reevaluate then.

It's helplessness.

> I wonder if dread is the right word for it.

'Anxiety' would be more appropriate.

As is often the case, DNA nailed it, thusly:

"In the end, it was Sunday afternoons he couldn't cope with, and that terrible listlessness that starts to set in at about 2:55 when you know you've taken all the baths you can usefully take that day, that however hard you stare at any given paragraph in the newspaper you will never actually read it, or use the revolutionary new pruning technique it describes, and that as you stare at the clock the hands will move relentlessly on to four o'clock, and you will enter the Long Dark Teatime of the Soul."

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