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Comment by makerleader | Hacker News Reader

"It would have been so easy, and felt so good in the moment to criticize them harshly."

If you have to fight the urge to criticize someone harshly, I think there are deeper rooted issues, lack of empathy being what comes to mind first. I took this article to be a lengthy way of saying "establish habits to not be a dick to employees", whereas most of the great managers I have had (and strive to be myself) come from the place of I really really want my employees to succeed, and will do what it takes to ensure that.

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Maybe you're a special case, but most people are better with some distance to think about the big picture of what they're doing. It's why people like the former Presidents we mentioned waited two days to compose such messages. I spend a lot of time on this stuff and still find that I always have a better approach when waiting.

It's also the point to emphasize that waiting to have a real conversation about it is best no matter how polished you are. You can be a perfect communicator, and taking the time to hear their side, go over examples, and talk about next steps ensures the feedback is actually meaningful (i.e.- leads to positive change). Firing that off a note in a "Real Time Feedback" system does none of that.

I'll bet on the leader that picks their moments for feedback and is deliberate and detailed, over someone reliant on their exact eloquence in the moment every time.

I totally agree with stepping back, analyzing for a period, and figuring out the best approach; I just think if a managers first inclination is to derive pleasure from harshly criticizing someone there is something really wrong with the environment/leadership/their personality.

Cool. I think we're generally in agreement then. For many (most?), leadership is an unnatural act you have to learn, so it takes time not to shoot from the hip on this stuff. And for anyone, no matter how golden their heart, it's easy to get caught up in a moment if you don't do the step back you suggest.

The larger point is to encourage the step back and a broader discussion, and to share some of the data showing that people actually don't want piles of feedback on every little thing every day.

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