> Jacob learned of a plan to help him correct his behaviour at the next Tor meeting

If I "learned of a plan to help [me] correct [my] behavior", I'd react extremely poorly as well. What utter bollocks; what savage lies!

> My right eye, into which Jacob placed an irritant eye drop, has never really felt the same since then

How can a story written by someone who is so obviously mentally ill and in need of help, not publicity, make it to the top of HN?!