Which is the ridiculous part. You shouldn't be able to charge property with a crime if you can locate the owner.
United States v. Approximately 64,695 Pounds of Shark Fins
United States v. Forty Barrels and Twenty Kegs of Coca-Cola
United States v. Ninety-Five Barrels, More or Less, Alleged Apple Cider Vinegar
One 1958 Plymouth Sedan v. Pennsylvania
United States v. 11 1/4 Dozen Packages of Articles Labeled in Part Mrs. Moffat’s Shoo-Fly Powders for Drunkenness
Marcus v. Search Warrant of Property at 104 East Tenth Street, Kansas City, Missouri
United States v. Article Consisting of 50,000 Cardboard Boxes More or Less, Each Containing One Pair of Clacker Balls
United States v. One Lucite Ball Containing Lunar Material (One Moon Rock) and One Ten Inch by Fourteen Inch Wooden Plaque
Where did "power over objects" come from? Going strictly by the Latin, in rem means "into the thing" ("into" here marks that the thing is being attacked). "Thing" and "object" are basically synonymous, sure, but power is not mentioned at all.
Jurisdiction = Power [of a court] - https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/jurisdiction
"The term jurisdiction is really synonymous with the word "power"."
When the property is seized from the owner and sold at auction I don't think the property has been punished in any way, but the owner has been subject to seizure of property without cause. We agree, it's absurd.