Javascript IS a powerful language with features that were not in other mainstream language for decades and some still don't have: first class functions, dynamic typing, lambda functions, closures etc. You only have to look at the diverse uses of Javascript to appreciate how far that power goes.
As for the warts of JS any experienced Javascript programmer has learned to work around those and it takes a small effort to learn how to do so.
> Proof on that "mostly" again?
You really need proof that the majority of the web is written in PHP?
As for an entry point for unskilled labour, my first PHP code was written after I'd been a C++ programmer for 20 years. I found it similar to Javascript; some warts to be aware of but otherwise a powerful language it's possible to be very productive in in a short amount of time. I refer you to the look at the many Facebook tech blog posts on the topic.
Whilst PHP has some limitations around it's runtime model, if you can stick within it the modern PHP is a very good tool for backend development.
> modern lisps are either NOT OO or support it poorly
Have you read up on CLOS? It goes way beyond the features of, say, C++ object model. By limiting yourself to a subset you can have the basic OOP features; inheritance, polymorphism and encapsulation. It provides more and arguably non-oop features such as multiple dispatch, methods that can run before, after and around your own methods (aspect oriented in modern parlance).
There is an excellent book by Sonya Keene on CLOS and OOP in Common Lisp.