"Initialize right away" --> "Make it hard to figure out what your variables are by mixing up code with their declarations."
"Construct new values" --> "Manually do what the first pass of the compiler already does. Except don't use the const keyword."
"Make functions, not procedures" --> "Don't check for errors. Don't even make it possible to check for errors."
"Make your objects immutable" --> "Let's see how much time we can spend in malloc!"
"Use purely functional data structures" --> "Arrays and hash tables are often the optimally performant data structures... but you shouldn't use them."
"When you can't help it" --> "If all your other attempts to sabotage your code fail to provide the required performance degradation, you can always slow your program down by copying data around unnecessarily."
In all seriousness, just like the famous "GOTO considered harmful", the author's "assignment statement is harmful" is an assertion which is valid in some situations -- quite possibly most or all of the situations he personally has to deal with -- but most definitely not valid in all circumstances.