Is there any evidence it's a sales flop? Seems like Mac sales are up, but they don't break the numbers down by device type. I want the same things you do, but unfortunately it seems pretty unlikely to happen (except for 32GB I suppose).
Kept the 2015 version. Am waiting to see what comes next. I don't want a touch bar, and I don't relish getting a half/dozen dongles for all my peripherals.
So I'm an invisible sale they should have had, but didn't.